I love Nick Lowe. I think he's a wonderful pop lyricist but, this post isn't about him. It's about my Tweet earlier in the day regarding no good deed going unpunished.
I did a professional favor for someone whom I worked on a project with. This was something where a process already existed and the means to get what he needed done it were in place. I should have directed him there but since he said it was an "emergency" and he was "under the gun" and needed it done "immediately" or the world as we know it would cease to exist, I did the job for him.
So how was my act of kindness repaid? By this person referring my services to a colleague of his offhandedly as if it was something I do all the time. Plus, the job he referred me for was quite a bit more involved and time consuming. When I informed his colleague what she could do (follow the existing process not involving me) she threw herself on the floor and began to kick and scream. Of course I heard back from the instigator of it all and he also acted hurt. Long story short, we worked it out but not without a lot of extra input by me and inconvenience to others and some ill feelings all around.
So what's the moral of the story? Well, that brings us back to the title of the post. I've since added a resolution to my list sometimes I am going to have to be cruel to be kind.
This goes against my nature. Generally, I am pathologically helpful. A trait that has gotten me into difficult situations before. Not to mention increased demands on my time with extra tasks that don't really count a bit toward what I should be doing. But I am changing this as of now.
From this point on I am taking a stand. I will help when and where I can but when the best course of action is to help someone learn for himself or herself, I'm going to bite the bullet and lead them down that path. There may be hurt feelings upfront but better then than down the road when raised expectations raise the pain threshold. Plus, I know I'll be racked with guilt but, I need to fight this feeling and stay the course. It will be the best thing for them and, ultimately, the best thing for me as well.
I did a professional favor for someone whom I worked on a project with. This was something where a process already existed and the means to get what he needed done it were in place. I should have directed him there but since he said it was an "emergency" and he was "under the gun" and needed it done "immediately" or the world as we know it would cease to exist, I did the job for him.
So how was my act of kindness repaid? By this person referring my services to a colleague of his offhandedly as if it was something I do all the time. Plus, the job he referred me for was quite a bit more involved and time consuming. When I informed his colleague what she could do (follow the existing process not involving me) she threw herself on the floor and began to kick and scream. Of course I heard back from the instigator of it all and he also acted hurt. Long story short, we worked it out but not without a lot of extra input by me and inconvenience to others and some ill feelings all around.
So what's the moral of the story? Well, that brings us back to the title of the post. I've since added a resolution to my list sometimes I am going to have to be cruel to be kind.
This goes against my nature. Generally, I am pathologically helpful. A trait that has gotten me into difficult situations before. Not to mention increased demands on my time with extra tasks that don't really count a bit toward what I should be doing. But I am changing this as of now.
From this point on I am taking a stand. I will help when and where I can but when the best course of action is to help someone learn for himself or herself, I'm going to bite the bullet and lead them down that path. There may be hurt feelings upfront but better then than down the road when raised expectations raise the pain threshold. Plus, I know I'll be racked with guilt but, I need to fight this feeling and stay the course. It will be the best thing for them and, ultimately, the best thing for me as well.
Hi Jeff,
Just read your post, which cleared up what your tweet was about, which I saw previously.
I am totally empathetic as I have walked in similar shoes many a time. I find your concluding points very helpful, so I am glad you took the time to blog your situation. I suppose the old proverb "teach a man to fish..." sort of plays. Help the person to help themselves.
Will be rooting for yo