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Everyone probably has someone from their family who they most resemble. For me it's my Uncle Albie. Someone I never met and who I only know through family memories. Physically the resemblance is uncanny. My face is Albie's face. It's wide with a strong nose, square jaw and fine hair that kind of did it's own thing. Features that reflect the melting pot of the Ukraine where Asian and European traders and travelers traversed and mixed.

Albie was the first born of John and Anna Shopa, my grandparents. He attended Central High School in Philadelphia, at the time the premiere public school in the city where he ran cross country. This past weekend my mom gave me the varsity letter Albie earned. A letter he never got to wear.

It was the summer of his senior year. And, turning eighteen he had to go register for the draft. It was the x-ray from his physical where the abnormality was spotted. A shadow on the lung. Later to be diagnosed as cancer.

Albie had earned a scholarship to run track at Penn State. He would have been the first member of our family to attend college. Instead he spent the next two years in and out of hospitals, mostly bedridden, until he became the first occupant of the family plot.

According to everyone who knew him, Albie loved to run. And run. And run. To be in motion was his nature. By all accounts running when when Albie was most comfortable in his own skin. A notion I can relate to.

Running is where I feel most at home with myself. In motion is where everything aligns for me. When running, my mind becomes clear and my senses attune. It's as if I'm in the world and am the world at the same time. It's the closest I come to experiencing the divine. And the only time I've ever gotten the sense of the spiritual.  I cannot imagine not being able to run. Those last two years must have been hell on earth for Albie.

I'm off from work this week and going to use the time to get things in order both with the house and in my mind. One thing that happens to me is over time I get this build-up of information that clutters my thinking, kind of like how these leaves on the stairwell impede your ability to travel freely. That's what happens in my mind when there's too much going on in there demanding my attention. So I'm using this week to kind winterize my brain as well as my physical surroundings.



Taken with my cameraphone while at the HBG campus, Oct. 09

I had a good week's worth of runs book ended by a 12 miler and a 16 miler. I've cut down on the weight training and increased my time hitting the pavement to build up for Philly. The extra running plus the change in diet is helping me lean out. This paid off with a 7:30/mile pace during my 16 miler.

One cause for concern is this recent pain in my left foot. It's right in front of my heel and seems to be deep, like it's coming from the bone. It started a few weeks back and became more pronounced this last week. There's no discoloration it just hurts. Hopefully it's just something to work through.

I've been using Sue's Shuffle for my runs lately since my second Nano also failed. I must admit I did not mind running with the Shuffle at all. It's light and clips right on to my shorts. The only drawback was my inability to track mileage using my Nike+.

The folks at Target were great. They took it back without hesitation and replaced it with a new one. In fact, I got the latest Nano, equipped with FM Radio and video camera. More importantly for me, I can now continue tracking my milage with my Nike+.

The first thing I did this weekend as part of my year-long review of myself was take the time and actually count all the clothes that I own. I have to tell you, it was sobering. I am a bit of a clothes whore so I knew the number would be high but, taking the time to go through them all I was shocked by the amount of it all.

Like most people, I own a lot more than I actually wear. I have my favorite items. Items that are a bit to large or small for my current weight, and items that seemed like a good idea at the time I purchased them. So I came up with a plan.

I'm going to reconnect with a tailor. We had one in town that I used a lot when I first started losing weight but she's since moved on. I have a line on a woman who does it on the side. Things that haven't worn for whatever reason, they looked better on the mannequin, the size difference is too much for alterations, whatever, will be added to our spring yard sale (another first). Any remaining clothes will be donated.


A brief listing of the clothes I own

I have a goal of purchasing as few items of clothing as needed this year and instead plan to maximize what I have now. I read a lot of magazines and catalogs so I thought it's be cool that when I saw a combination I liked, say in J. Crew, that I go to my wardrobe and see how closely I can approximate it. I'll post photos of the outcomes as I go along.

Another thing I've done is gotten friendly with the cobbler across the street from Schlow Library. I take a lot of Sue's shoe's there for work. I found out on my last visit that he can do things with rubber bottomed shoes just like he can with leather. This means I can get more life out of favorite items such as my McAllister boots.

 

I did 10.26 miles today at a 7:33 pace. I was feeling kind of sluggish running around the golf course and campus in the middle of the day. I'm hoping to pick up my mileage this week with an eye toward a longer run next Sunday evening when we get back from my sister's. If not I'll have to make up the long run the following weekend when we're home. I think the dip in my run was when I hit the traffic light crossing over Atherton. Looking at the dips in my pattern I see I ran alternating between fast and slow. Could be the hills but, like I said, I wasn't feeling myself. It felt good to get ten. I'll need to work on keeping a better consistent pace for Philly.

Speaking of my sister, she called and asked me to pick up a second pair of runners for her from Rapid Transit. So far so good for her. She likes to run. Must run in the family. Also, Sue ran around Bellefonte today; 3.6 miles in 47 minutes. A great job by her. Weather permitting the three of us will get to do a short round around Gilbertsville next weekend.

One final note, I got stung by a bee smack in the middle of my forehead on my second pass around the golf course today. It still smarts and I got a headache. Not sure if the stinger's still there. Sue's going to check it tonight.

Lately, I've been thinking about how fortunate I am to be where I am. Everyone has his share of bad breaks, adversity, and sorrow but, on the whole, I think I've been most fortunate. In fact, I think many of my problems may be self-inflicted. Through conscious effort or otherwise, I am who I am because of the choices I made, the actions I did or did not take. So I'm thinking of taking this next year to reflect on all that I have.

I'm talking a total personal inventory. From physical things from my house to my socks and everything in-between I feel I need to take a personal accounting in order to fully comprehend the abundance I have. I'm also planning on a metaphysical audit as well. A spiritual, and philosophical accounting is well past due. I feel the need to pore over everything that is my life in order to come to some sort of understanding of who the hell Jeff Swain really is when all is said and done.

I've been rolling this idea around in my head for the past few months. Quite frankly, I'm somewhat unnerved to be doing this. It was hard enough to slam the door shut, what with all the skeletons I have, and now I' going to invite them to come out and play.  I don't mean to be melodramatic. Quite the contrary. I'm talking about the ordinary, the mundane, the things that go into making our everyday because that is life. Sure we remember the big moments but it is in the other ninety-nine percent where we spend our time living. And that's what I want shed light on.

I have a suspicion that at the end of the year not only will I find that I have all that I'm allowed but, maybe more than I deserve.


 

This was a good week. Running wise, I've no long run to report however, I was doing two-a-days this week. I'd run five or six miles during the day then do another three to five miles at night after work. I got into this because Sue's started running more so we've been going together at night.

Additionally, I took my sister to Rapid Transit to get fitted for a pair of running shoes this past weekend. My sister was my inspiration for joining Weight Watchers so I was excited to be able to do something for her.

If you've never had a proper fitting it's well worth it. A good running store will be stocked with knowledgeable people who will measure the length and width of your foot, check your arch and ask you to walk, run, and bend your knees all to get a read on your gait. Once they have an idea they'll explain the three most common types of running shoes (flexible, neutral, and and support) and make a recommendation on the best type for you. Then they'll bring out a couple of brands, each has their own subtle difference, have you try them on and run a bit to see how they feel. If they are really good, and Rapid Transit is, they'll let you buy the first pair on trial. If after two weeks of running something is not right you can bring them back, in any condition, for credit towards another pair.

No we're talking about the three of us going for a run when we get together at her house in a few weeks. 

The last few weeks have been difficult. I've been traveling again. Both across the continent to Vancouver, BC and then to Philadelphia. Plus, I caught something on the plan ride back from Detroit to State College that's knocked me on my ass. I spent most of the last two days sleeping.

I did get out for a mid-afternoon run today: 7.67 miles in 59' 10" for a 7' 42" pace. I don't know which were heavier, my legs or my chest. I did take a soak when I got home hoping to sweat some more of the sickness out.

When it comes to travel, I still cling to the romantic notion of it all. I'm particularly daft regarding air travel. The farther the better. I enjoy packing up my dopp kit, making sure I've got mini-versions of all that I need. The rolling up of clothes. The layering of my suitcase so thinks arrive in good condition and basically wrinkle free.

I enjoy watching the takeoff and landing, the most dangerous parts of flight so I request a window seat. In the air I like the feeling of being temporarily disconnected from Terra firma and  all my responsibilities down there. For the time being, this is still a moment of complete detachment. I feel unfettered; I'm alone with my thoughts and I can go where ever the muse leads.

I like to eavesdrop of conversations, hearing about where others are headed and the big plans that lay ahead. This morning I got to hear a young girl explain time zones to her little brother. She told him they were traveling backward in time and when they arrived it would be six hours earlier. "So when it's six it's going to feel like midnight."

I like the excitement of visiting new places and getting a sense of the rhythm and style of life where ever I happen to be. I like the pampering of the accouterments of the hotel and crisp sheets and white towels.

There's a lot to hate about travel. The missed connections, lost baggage  and restrictions, brought on by both for cost and security. But I chose to ignore them as much as I can and cling to something that probably exists more in my mind than in reality.   
 

I've been living large lately. Judging by the scale a little to large. So large in fact that all the running I do has only slowed down my weight gain and no abated it. This doesn't come as a surprise. I know better. Good health is equal parts exercise and diet. Don't believe me? Check out the unremarkable findings cited in the Times article.

Personally, I've struggled with my weight all my life. Going on four years ago I joined Weight Watchers and lost 46 pounds. I've been a lifetime member since but, these last few months, I've faltered. So much so, I'm now 10 pounds over my goal weight of 160 and 12 pounds over my ideal weight.

So I'm rejoining the purer faith in order to lose a dozen pounds. My goal is to go from 170 to 158 by the Philadelphia Marathon. This gives me three+ months, plenty of time to be smart and healthy about it. I'm also going to try and be a little more scientific about it, nutritionally speaking, planning my meals and selecting foods that fuel my workouts and maximize recovery between them. This means increasing fruit and vegetable consumption (dark colored ones like cherries and broccoli seem to provide a greater benefit) along with more whole grains, proteins, and healthy fats, from sources like almonds, walnuts, and olive oil. It also means strategic eating as well. Some studies suggest that a good protein and carb. combo, e.g. a glass of chocolate milk or a cup of yogurt with blueberries, no later than 1 hour after a workout maximizes recovery. And while the evidence is very preliminary (see the abc News Report and the Washington Times article) , I'm giving up drinking diet soda and replacing it with flavored water.

Probably the hardest part is coming to terms with the personal shame and sense of failure I feel about the weight gain. In a sense you really need some selective short-term memory loss. Forgetting what got you here and focusing on what to do about it. Easier said than done but necessary for success.