March 5th - March 10th: Far East: Japan, Taiwan, Hong Kong:

After forgetting that the earth had more to it than infinite amounts of rolling navy blue waves I looked off the bridge of our boat and couldn't believe what I saw...LAND!!!!!!! A few hours later we were in Tokyo. Tokyo is like a combination of the Jetsons, George Orwells 1984, Buck Rogers and about every science fiction prediction of the future right down to the sweet female electronic voice that talks to you every time a door automatically opens for you. As Joey and I wondered around the streets of the Shim Tsa Tsui district we realized that neither of us speak Japanese. We were able to communicate by pointing at Sapporo beer posters and pointing at our mouths. We also noted that everyone in Tokyo is extremely well dressed and likes to slurp their soup really loud. I felt a little underdressed in my yellow sweater but Hey! How many nobel prizes do you have bitch.

When we arrived in Osaka Japan it was around midnight. The port streets were completely empty...expect for the 10 guys in souped-up cars who were living Grand Theft Auto Vice City out in front of my eyes. Guys doing 360s through stop lights squealing the whole way and driving down the sidewalks. If I didn't dive out of the way I think I would have turned into a big coin on the ground. The next morning in the daytime and it was much calmer. We went to the top of the WTC tower and by some freak event we convinced a woman to give us the keys to open her shop and let us take pictures from the top of the tallest building in Osaka. It's amazing how electronic equipment, bowing a lot and action figures can break down a language barrier. Then back to sea through the South China Sea...

We arrived in Kaoshiung, Tawain and the captain insisted I go to "Seaman Party". We went to the district full of sailors and English speaking girls of questionable morals. We went to a bar where we had to "buy" a girl to sit at our table in order to look like rap video moguls. It was like a hooker without sex or maybe a lap dance without the lap dance. I'm not sure what the hell it was but at least they played Elton John videos non-stop and Saturday was alright for fighting.

After Taiwan, they finally let Joey drive the boat. They switched to manual steering and called out bearings and he was happy as a fly in dog poop. It was a short trip to Hong Kong...

Hong Kong is cool. It's an island with mountains and a really crowded city obsessed with fake Rolexes. We rode a cable car up a mountain and looked at the giant cloud we were in. We were told the view was good. We cruised on the famous star ferry and met a girl who spoke English and after 10 minutes we wished that she did not speak English. Next stop...Singapore....
- Albert Einstein