Jan. 22-24 Ė State College, PA: Going Away Party People around me know that Iíve been a little anxious lately, because it is only a few days until Iím leaving for my great adventure. So last Saturday night my good friends decided to have a going away party for me. I love those guys. We started out with a couple kegs of Yuengling lager and some Captain Morgan to warm up while watching Eddy Izzard. More and more people were showing up and I ended up getting pretty buzzed and I was having the time of my life!!! Those State College, Pittsburgh and Philly kids can really throw down!

The party began to show the initial signs of rowdiness when Ricky had built a snowboard ramp on the deck steps and they were doing drunken airs into the yard while simultaneously Cory was shooting bottle rockets across the living room. I was macking on this girl, telling her about my Nobel prize, and I looked across the room and saw a bottle rocket shoot right past me and stick into metal guy Garyís hair! I laughed so hard I spilled my drink and stained my yellow sweater.

I was feeling prime for partying and I decided to step it up. I had some beer muscles and I thought that I could wrestle a 30 lb dog. Thatís 60 times my body weight!!!!! I got beat up a little but it was all in fun. Good times, good times. Then Joey put on some Andrew WK and all hell broke loose. People were flying through the air, potted plants were exploding on walls and anything that wasnít bolted down was used as an object to hit someone with. Meanwhile, others in the kitchen boiled Ryanís cellphone in a pot, added some spices, and made it into a tasty $300 cellular bisque. Megan then forced me to nightcap in the Jacuzzi till 5 AM. Thanks to the copious amounts of Mr. Bubble, she couldnít even tell I was farting in the hot tub!!!!!

The next morning I woke up feeling rough and watched Cory shop-vac the 3 inches of dirt out of the living room carpet. After an American Ale House breakfast we watched the Philly Eagles dominate. Then the jovial mood grew somber during the Steelers game. Ben Roethlisberger Ė remember that my theory of relativity deals with more than just light in inertial frames. Relative to your peers, youíve still had the best rookie season a guy could dream of. We forgive you.

Finally on Monday I headed out for some rock music. I went to see some of my friends bands: Divide By Zero, UTM, Supervillians and the Toasters play at Crowbar. I got my skank on to the happy two-toned flavored ska music of the Toasters after drinking a couple pints oí lager. I saw a mohawked punk and tye-dye shirt wearing hippy skanking side by side and I realized that maybe unity in the world is possible. Well, Iíd better start packing for my adventure. Bye for now,

- Albert Einstein

Next Adventure: Train ride across the USA