Crossroads

Robert Frost (1874-1963).Mountain Interval.1920.

In the next couple of days, I will turn another year older. Not that that in itself is a big deal, but it has spurred my thinking lately.

Is the road that I have taken been the right road? How could, would, should have things been different if I had made different decisions - taken different roads? I don't regret where my road has taken me. I just wonder what to do at the next crossroads? What happens now, as I stand at another fork in the road?

Yogi Berra said "when you come to a fork in the road, take it!". I wish it were that simple.

There are several things that pose questions and ask for decisions. I feel more like I'm standing in a railroad roundhouse, trying to decide which track is the right track, and which will lead to nowhere. Allow me to look at a couple of these. I went to my older son's marching band exhibition. Seven high schools performed, and all did a good job. One of them was my former employer when I was a band director. But as I sat there, the band director in me kept coming to the fore. I found myself critiquing the performances, rather than enjoying and appreciating them. I was analyzing what could be better, or how I would do this or that. I was so caught up in the analysis that I almost missed the entire experience. In my earlier professional life, I was a band director. I ran what I thought was a good program. We weren't the biggest band, but my kids played well and marched well. We had a lot of esprit de corps, and the kids were hard working, loyal students. As I sat watching, part of me yearned to return to being a band director. I really thought about it. Seriously. I enjoyed my life as a band director - to a point. I miss the kids and working with younger students, and watching them grow as they move through their high school years. I didn't miss the parades, the cold weather at end of the year football games (especially when the football team was, well, er, less than good). What has been nagging at me, is what could I have done as a band director? I never had the chance to finish what I started. A new superintendent didn't like the way I did things - even though the kids and the parents did. I was on the cusp of forming a really good program - and it was stripped away from me. How good could it have been had I had the chance to  finish what I started? I guess that I will never know. I moved from being a band director to working in instructional/informational technology. It was a good move for me. I had lost the desire to compete for trophies in something that shouldn't be about competition (music), and should be about art and enjoyment. IT has been a good fit. At the school where I had been band director, we really started to put together a good IT program, and to make technology work in education. We weren't just talking about putting in some computers and doing drill-and-kill software packages. We were on the verge of making technology a teaching tool that would help my fellow teaching professionals do a better, more efficient job at what they do - teach. then we changed princiapls and superintednets, and  . . . Same song, just different lyrics. So I moved on. But I still wonder -how far could we have taken that technology implementation if I had be given the chance to see it through? what could we have done? How much of a model could we have been for other schools? In my new job, I had a great superintendent. I could do what I wanted to make things happen, with full support. Finally, I could see things through to the other side! Same song, another new set of lyrics. "I don't know what to do with you." "I'm sorry, sir, I don't understand." was my halting reply. "I've never had a technology coordinator before. I've done it all myself." {Cue the strings and French horns - another verse playeth} Thus, I'm here at Penn State. Doing a job that I like, and having the freedom to do it the way I want, and to allow success to hinge on my ability and talent, not the whims of a superintendent. But there's another aspect of my life that is at a crossroads as well. for many years, I've been involved in track and field - as a competitor, as a coach, as a meet administrator and as an official. I feel that I have to pick a direction here as well, and it's a hard one. I love coaching. Working with athletes, seeing them improve and achieve more than they thought they could - there's nothing like that. I love competing - it's me against the tape measure - no equivocation, no judgment. Cold. Hard. Distance. I love officiating - it's my social life away from my family. My brothers and sisters who share a common love of my sport. I like (can't say love) running meets - feeling the satisfaction of being at the helm of a well run championship, when records are broken and athletes perform well. But, am I at the point where I need to focus on one or two aspects and let the others go? What could I do if I focused on training and competing? How good could I be as a Master's athlete? How much better of a coach could I be if I focused on that and that alone? Can I improve my skill as an official if I focus solely on that? How much better can I get? Man, that's a lot of questions - and it doesn't even take into consideration my biggest crossroad - being a father and husband. Well, really, that's pretty easy. there is no crossroad there. So, I need to think and reason, and make decisions of the head, and try not to make them of the heart. "If you come to a fork in the road, take it." OK, Yogi. I just hope I don't fall off a cliff along the way.