Here's something interesting I observed both as a teenager and later when I taught teenagers: Teenagers who communicated with their parents had parents who allowed them more freedom.
On the other end of the spectrum, there were some parent-teen relationships that worked more like this:
- Teen is withdrawn.
- Parent tightens control because he/she is out of the loop and concerned for withdrawn teen.
- Withdrawn teen is wary of opening up to controlling parent and becomes more withdrawn.
I used to say that working with kids in their teen years was like working with adults who had the volume turned up a bit. They were just acting out more melodramatic versions of the adults they saw or would soon be.
Or is the reverse the truth? Maybe adults are just teens--with the same gut reactions to authority--who toned things down just enough to be grown-ups. That said, we can learn a lot from how teens behave and apply it to the adult world.
Currently, I'm in the fortunate position of working in one of those
departments where we are trusted, afforded opportunities for
leadership, and able to work without continuous oversight. I mean, how
many other places would have let and encouraged a relatively new hire
present to a unit-wide audience dressed up in character as "Doctor
Nikki"? (Thanks, Dace!)
The result is that our
lines of communications are open. We feel comfortable sharing our work
and our concerns with our department head or our assistant dean, and we
know their communication with us is out of sincere interest. The
result is a self-sustaining relationship of trust.
What happens in places where the opposite is true? Where top-down
control structures force people to be suspicious even of a leader's
sincerest interest in a project? Where leaders who sense information
being withheld ramp up their involvement, only to find that deepens the
distrust?
I'm relatively new to where I work now, so I'm
not sure exactly how they built the positive environment they have now,
but I can offer the lessons I have learned from working with teens:
If you would like to be afforded more freedom, you need to start communicating. No
one will know how capable you are of managing your projects until you
start stalking about your work and what you have been doing.
If you are in charge of someone who's not communicating, be wary of deepening the mistrust. Show
sincere interest. Try to build the communication and the working
relationship before resorting to tighter controls or adding extra
"forced communications" to the routine.
Building trust takes time; don't expect change overnight. You
may have to be the first person to act, and you may need to prove
yourself several times before the other person trusts you enough to do
his/her part.
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