SPCOM 380W Sample First Paper
by Nicole Thigpen
SPCOM 380W Course Materials Index
Dr. Lentz's Personal Page
Analysis Grading Checklist
THIGPEN :NAME
ONE :ASSIGNMENT
Professor's comments in your file are marked by the "CAPS" you see
inserted in the text. If you find "OK" beside a category the work is
satisfactory. If "NO," then more work is required. All the
categories for D, C, & B must be satisfied in order to receive an A.
For a D You Must Have Required Sections of Analysis Present:
OK__ Introduction
OK__ Thesis
OK__ Partition
Body:
OK__ Author
OK__ Setting
OK__ Characters
OK__ Plot
OK__ Language
OK__ Implied Audience
OK__ Conclusion
OK__ Correct Grammar & Syntax
OK__ Correct Spelling
I NOTICED A NUMBER OF PLACES WHERE THERE SEEMED TO BE EXTRA
SPACES BETWEEN WORDS...I ERASED SEVERAL. DON'T KNOW IF IT'S PART
OF THE COMPLICATED FILE TRANSFER WE'VE MADE. JUST TAKE A LOOK AT
THE FINAL DRAFT OF THE NEXT PAPERS TO SEE IF THERE ARE ANY THERE
DUE TO AN OVERACTIVE REPEATING SPACEBAR OR SOMETHING. OH...AND
IT WOULD HELP IF YOU WOULD SET YOUR MARGINS A LITTLE CLOSER
TOGETHER...SAY 70 SPACES ALTOGETHER. OTHERWISE THE FILE SWITCH
WORKED WELL.
..................................................................
For C level work complete the above plus SPECIFIC PERFORMANCE
BEHAVIORS (Physical & Vocal Actions) WITH Reasons for Each Behavior
AND Quotation or Citation of Location Where it Might be Appropriate:
Action Rationale Quote/Cite
OK>_ ____ ____ Three for Setting
OK>_ ____ ____ Three for each Character
OK>_ ____ ____ Three for Plot
OK>_ ____ ____ Three for Language
OK>_ ____ ____ Three for Audience(Placement, etc.)
..................................................................
For "B" work the following indications of QUALITY WORK must appear:
OK__ Thesis a simple (No "and's" or "but's") sentence
?___ Intro. & Conclusion have examples, stories, etc.
OK HERE, BUT THE WEAKEST LINK IN THE CHAIN. TRY TO MAKE A CLEAR
GRAPHIC PRESENTATION OF THE IDEA OF STRUGGLE OR TURMOIL IN MAKING
MORALLY DIFFICULT DECISIONS...SOMETHING FROM OUTSIDE YOUR PIECE BUT
INSIDE THE EXPERIENCE OF YOUR READER/AUDIENCE. SEEING A FELLOW
STUDENT CHEATING...WHAT DO YOU DO? ETC. MAKE THE IDEA CLEAR IN A
PICTURE OR IN AN ORALLY MEMORABLE PHRASE LIKE "MAKE MY DAY," ETC.
OK__ Behaviors Based on words and images IN THE TEXT
OK__ Author Section, including 3 facts about him/her
OK__ Transition sentences between sections
OK__ Thesis restated in each section
OK__ Three footnoted sources beyond source of the selection
..................................................................
For A level work the CONCEPTUAL QUALITY of the work must be clear.
OK__ Thesis establishes a category related logically to sections
OK__ Partition relates sections logically to thesis
OK__ Intro & Conclusion "introduce" & "close" thesis idea
OK__ Author section logically related to thesis idea
OK__ Restatements or transitions link thesis logically to behaviors
OK__ Behaviors logically fit section topic sentences
OK__ Transitions relate to thesis idea
Grade:
VERY NICE JOB. 91, AND I'LL RAISE THAT IF YOU'LL BEEF UP THE INTRO &
CLOSE A LITTLE. JUST A FEW LINES EACH, NO BIG DEAL. OTHER NOTES ARE
FOR FUTURE REFERENCE. THANKS FOR A VERY CLEAR PIECE OF WORK. AFTER
YOU ENTER CHANGES I'D LIKE TO ASK FOR A COPY TO PUT AMONG MY SAMPLE
PAPERS ON THE LIBRARY DISK.
[For papers to be reworked, please return the checklist and the
file with changes inserted IN ALL CAPITALS. Look under SENDFILE, which
is under the FILETRANS heading, which is under FILES in PSUMENU. I will
check over the revised version based on what I asked you to rework;
this will save time and confusion. If a list of behaviors is all that's
required, just insert the list in the file after the checklist or at the end.]
FOR XEDIT REVISIONS:
Use either the PF2 key to add lines at the cursor or the "I" [for
insert] with a number of lines typed [as in "I3"] in the command line
to the left of the file to insert space for adding the list. The same
procedure will work for adding paragraphs, thesis sentences,
partitions, etc., if those are all the changes required. A "D" in the
command line will delete the line next to it. For other revisions
you may change mispelled words, or insert other changes before or
after the professor's comments in the body of the text.
.................................................................
Nicole Thigpen
October 26, 1994
Speech Comm. 380
Monologue Analysis
WHEN WE WERE IN KINDERGARTEN WE WERE TAUGHT THAT THERE WAS A RIGHT
ANSWER AND A WRONG ANSWER TO EVERY QUESTION. WE LEARNED THAT COLORS WERE
RED OR GREEN AND THAT SHAPES WERE ROUND OR SQUARE. BUT SOMEWHERE BETWEEN
ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AMD COLLEGE WE LEARNED THAT EVERY QUESTION ISN'T SO
CLEAR CUT AND EVERY SOLUTION DOESN'T HAVE A RIGHT OR A WRONG ANSWER.
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL AND COLLEGE WE LEARNED THE WISE
CLICHE: THE MOST DIFFICULT SOLUTIONS ARE NOT BLACK OR WHITE BUT MERELY
DIFFERENT SHADES OF GRAY.
Black and white and gray: These are the colors that
pervaded Rian Malan's South Africa. Malan was raised under a
system of apartheid, raised under a system that separated
and segregated people by skin color: black from white, white
from black. Ultimately he was forced to choose between
apartheid and integration, between white and black, between
genealogy and emotion.
His choice was not so clear cut; it was not black nor
white, but gray. Rian Malan was born into a prominent white
South African family. His ancestor Dr. D. F. Malan was the
chief architect of apartheid, and Rian's father is an
Afrikaner professor (Kanfer, p.80). Rian Malan was also
raised alongside black South Africans who became both his
teachers and his friends. Thus, Rian Malan was raised to
love his family but despise the convention of apartheid that
his family helped to sustain. His moral dilemma became so
great that he ran away to Los Angeles in 1977 because, "he
would not carry a gun for apartheid and because he could not
carry a gun against it" (Koneig, P.59).
In 1985 Rian Malan returned to South Africa to resolve
his internal conflict between blood and truth. In "My
Traitor's Heart," Rian Malan writes about his resolution,
about choices that aren't black or white, but gray and
complex. The portion of the essay that I have chosen from
"My Traitor's Heart" depicts the difficulty of making moral
decisions that have no clear cut solutions. The purpose
of his essay is to show the inner turmoil associated with
making morally ambiguous decisions. My reading should
poignantly portray the agony of making such decisions.
First, Malan illustrates the inner turmoil created by
moral decision making in his contrast of warm and cold
settings. Second, Malan depicts internal conflict through
the conflicting emotions with his characters. Third, the
plot and language style in "My Traitor's Heart" move through
HINT AT THE "TURMOIL" THEME AGAIN UNDER PLOT & LANGAUGE
"THROUGH THE DIFFICULT STAGES OF DECISION MAKING...ETC.
the stages of moral decision making. Last, through a
relationship with the audience, this piece demonstrates the
difficulty and universality of moral decision making.
In "My Traitor's Heart," the setting reflects the
internal conflict that accompanies moral decision making.
The first contrast is found in the opening paragraph. Malan
refers to the purple mountains of his home, Cape Town. I
will deliver this line wistfully, looking off into the
distance with a sigh. "Back in the Cape, within sight of
the purple mountains...," I will say quietly, as I look out
the window. Malan shows this inner conflict by writing
first about his nostalgic feelings towards his home and
next about his bitter feelings towards his home.
These bitter feelings are also apparent in the first
paragraph. Malan talks about the rioting that is being
reported on the radio, the rioting that he can see "....from
the lawn outside [his house] as the pall of the smoke rises
above the killing grounds." I will deliver this line more
loudly than the first to make it sound more harsh. I will
also emphasize the word "killing" to make it sound bitter.
The contrast between the warm setting and the cold setting
will be reflected in my tone and volume to depict the two
sides of internal turmoil.
This duality of setting occurs later in the piece when
Malan contrasts his home and the Afrikaner political
chambers. Malan discusses coming home and slumping down
next to his father's armchair. This is a familiar,
comfortable setting. I will convey familiarity by looking
fondly at the space next to me and by slightly dropping my
shoulders to create a relaxed appearance. This familiar
setting is contrasted in Malan's description of three
political chambers. When I describe the "...new multi-
racial parliament, the crowning glory of the great reform,"
I will raise my voice slightly, making my words sharper to
create a feeling of coldness with a sarcastic tone. I will
stand up straight to contrast the warmth of home and the
coldness of the political chamber.
Finally, I will demonstrate the duality of the setting,
and the conflict, in the final scene of the piece. I will
contrast the warmth of the Malan kitchen with the impact of
Malan's decision to leave his family and his country. I
will deliver the line, "...where my mother was baking,
humming to herself, and chatting to her dogs, a gentle gray-
haired woman..." while I look off to the windows with a
wistful smile and a quiet voice. I will contrast the
nostalgic tone of the first part of this sentence by saying
the last portion, "....indiscriminate loving of me, her lost
son," without a smile. Thus, through contrast in the
setting, I will show the two sides of Malan's inner
conflict.
The characters in "My Traitor's Heart," demonstrate
moral conflict in decision making. Rian Malan's father is
torn between love for his son and what he thinks is right.
His own inner turmoil reflects the overall theme of the
I'M GRATEFUL FOR THE CLARITY OF YOUR REFERENCES TO
TURMOIL...BUT AFTER YOU'VE ESTABLISHED THE THEME FOR EACH
SECTION START LOOKING FOR SYNONYMS...INNER CONFLICT,
STRUGGLE, ETC.
piece. Inner turmoil surfaces when Rian asks his father to
bring him a typewriter. His father responds, "You're going
to betray the volk with what you write, and I'm supposed to
supply the ribbon." I will deliver the first part of the
line in a loud, gruff, and deep voice to demonstrate his
father's anger at this betrayal. In the second half of the
line, I will sigh and make my voice softer in order to show
his father's agony.
Anger and agony are also apparent in Rian Malan's
words. When responding to his father's plea for the
Afrikaner reform to be successful, Rian is both angered and
saddened. I will convey this by stomping my foot angrily
and looking to the back of the room before I deliver the
line. In the delivery of the line, "It won't work," I will
soften my voice and make my face look pained. Again, this
contrast reflects the overall theme of the piece.
Finally, I will depict the two sides of moral conflict
with the words of a white South African woman. Malan points
out that a starving child is watching her eat a huge meal.
The woman responds with anger and guilt. I will turn my
head and snap it back around and say, "You fuckup!" while
glaring at the back of the classroom. I will then drop my
eyes and say incredulously, "You're trying to make me feel
guilty." This will show the anger and guilt inherent in
moral decision making.
While the setting and characters are metaphors for
inner turmoil, the action or plot of the piece moves through
the stages of moral decision making. This first stage of
Malan's decision is the realization that he must make a
tough decision. I will reflect this in the opening line of
the piece, "I had come home to make peace..." I will pause
between "home" and "to," to show a hesitance about the
purpose of his journey home, to show that perhaps he won't
be able to make peace at home but only within himself.
The second stage, or change in plot, occurs when Malan
realizes that he must make a choice. I will show his fear
of this decision when discussing his nightmare. When
discussing the parking lot where the dream occurs, I will
open my eyes wide and look from one side of the room to the
other to demonstrate fear.
The final stage in his decision, and in the action of
the plot, occurs when Malan tells his mother he is leaving
South Africa for good. I will try to convey the pain of the
resolution by my facial expression and the strain in my
tone. I will say, "...and the pain was so ferocious..."
slowly and clearly as I shut my eyes as if in pain when I
say, "..so ferocious..." Thus, I will show the stages of
Malan's decision through the stages of the plot.
Just as the action of the piece depicts the stages of
conflict, so too does the language style. First, I will
show the anger inherent in the initial stages of moral
decision making through the voice of Malan's father. I will
raise my voice and speak slowly and angrily when he says,
"Go back to your sanctuary.". This will show the anger Rian
is facing from his family and the anger he is feeling within
himself. I will emphasize the word "sanctuary" to show that
it is Rian's sanctuary and, metaphorically, Rian's choice.
~PERIOD
Next, I will demonstrate the confusion that surrounds the
decision making process.
This occurs when Malan imagines himself on both sides
of the apartheid conflict; both as Afrikaner and as
revolutionary. I will pause and look up thoughtfully both
times Malan says, "I tried to imagine myself..." These two
pauses show the confusion surrounding his choice.
Finally, I will show the result of the final decision
through the language of the piece. The final sentence is
full of painful and emotional language that reflects the
difficulty of Malan's decision. I will emphasize the words,
"so ferocious" and "...that I thought it might cauterize
the breaking thing in my chest," by clutching my hand to my
THIS GESTURE MIGHT BE A LITTLE LARGE FOR CONVERSATIONAL
WORK...IF IT COMES NATURALLY WITH THE POWERFUL EMOTIONS,
GREAT. BUT DON'T FORCE SUCH THINGS UNNATURALLY...THEY CAN
SOFTEN THE IMPACT BY DISTRACTING US A LITTLE. IT SEEMED TO
BALANCE OK IN YOUR PRESENTATION...JUST A LITTLE NOTE TO BE
CAREFUL.
heart. This final emphasis on language style corresponds
with the final emotions often associated with a difficult
choice: pain and resignation.
As a means to establish a relationship with the
audience, I will attempt to relate Malan's struggle with a
universal struggle and so to engage the audience with my
reading, and with Malan as the author. I will attempt this
in three ways. First, I will connect my audience to the
South African experience by reminding them that apartheid
was a situation they had seen reported on news broadcasts.
When I read the line, "Next time you see television footage
of a South African riot...," I will emphasize the word "you"
and look around the room. This familiar reference will
involve the audience as news-watchers.
Next, I will involve the audience by linking their
potential for inner turmoil to Malan's inner turmoil. I
will attempt this when Malan questions what he should do. On
the first "Should I...," I will outstretch my hand to one
person in the audience . I will do this to a different
person on the remaining three "Should I..." phrases as well.
In this, I will attempt to personalize the conflict and tie
the audience to Malan.
Finally, I will involve the audience emotionally. I
will do this through the image of Malan's mother. By not
focusing on the audience when he says, "...she cried out and
bent double," I will show the guilt and pain that would
accompany hurting and disappointing one's parents. This
final action will connect the audience in a highly personal
way to both the reader and the author.
WHILE MOST OF US HAVE NOT YET HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN OUR
FAMILY AND OUR MORALS, WE CAN ALL IDENTIFY WITH THE DIFFICULTY THAT
ACCOMPANIES MORAL DECISION MAKING. PERHAPS YOU HAVE WONDERED WHETHER OR
NOT TO TELL ON YOUR CLASSMATE THAT CHEATS OFF OF YOUR PAPER OR ON YOUR
FRIEND WHO HAS DONE SOMETHING ILLEGAL. FOR ME THE MOST DIFFICULT
DECISIONS INVOLVE WITHHOLDING THINGS FROM PEOPLE THAT I LOVE; DO I TELL
MY BEST FRIEND THAT SHE IS IN A DESTRUCTIVE RELATIONSHIP OR DO I LET HER
DISCOVER IT FOR HERSELF AND STAY HER FRIEND? DO I TELL MY MOTHER THAT I
RECEIVED THE INTERNSHIP BUT THAT I WILL NOT TAKE IT BECAUSE SHE IS SICK
OR DO I LIE AND SAY I WASN'T CHOOSEN? QUESTIONS SUCH AS THESE GUIDE OUR
OUR DECISION MAKING PROCESS ALL OF THE TIME. PERHAPS WE, LIKE RIAN
MALAN, HAVE LEARNED THAT WRITING, THINKING,OR TALKING ABOUT OUR DECISIONS
IS THE BEST WAY TO UNDERSTAND THEM.
Rian Malan wrote "My Traitor's Heart" as a catharsis
(Jones, p.63). In an attempt to make peace with his
decision to leave South Africa and his family, Rian Malan
shows the reader what the evening news never showed us about
the system of apartheid and the struggle of South Africa.
In writing about his choice, Malan represents the universal
difficulty of moral decision making. Malan shows us that
many choices, the morally ambiguous ones at least, are not
clear cut. They are complex and gray. In an interview with
Newsweek, Rian Malan reiterates this theme: "It's not the
outside things that deform you, it's the choices you make"
(Jones, p.63).
Jones, Malcolm. "Cry Still for the Beloved Country."
Newsweek. January 27, 1990.
Vol. 115, No. 4, p.63.
Kanfer, Stefan. "Cries of the Beloved Country." Time .
April 16, 1990. Vol. 135, No.16,
pp.79-80.
Koening, Rhoda. "Cry the Bedeviled Country." New Yorker.
January 15, 1990. Vol. 123,
No. 2, pp.59-60.
Malan, Rian. My Traitor's Heart. New York, 1990.