Second Sample Outline/Brief
GOOD WORK. VERY GOOD. 80 AS IS. A LITTLE MORE TO DO, BUT YOU DID THE LEG
WORK SO THE REST SHOULDN'T BE TOO TOUGH. SEE THE EXAMPLE THESIS/MAINPOINTS
BELOW. REVISE THESE FOR THE HIGH B. WORK ON A LITTLE SHARPER CONCLUSION,
TRANSITIONS, NAME-DROPPING OF YOUR [EXCELLENT] SOURCES, AND YOU SHOULD GET AN
A. MAYBE I COULD USE YOUR REVISED VERSION FOR A GOOD SAMPLE INFORMATIVE!
Outline grading sheet:
(Revised
Name__ ______________
Assignment_Informative_______________
Introduction--
Make a connection with audience experience? OK
Make use of hard evidence? (quote, example, stat.) OK
Match the central idea? OK BUT MUST BE SHARPER SEE NOTES
Make clean transition to Central Idea GOOD WORK HERE. MATCH TRANSITIONS
TO THE CORE IDEAS MORE DIRECTLY...SEE NOTES.
Central Idea/Thesis:
Thesis stated simply in one sentence? OK
A statement about the topic, not just a label? NO SEE EXAMPLE BELOW
Highlighted by the organization plan? OK
Preview/Partition:
List points as ideas or phrases, not just labels? NO... SEE EXAMPLE
Main Points:
Logical plan by time, space, categories, analogy, contrast, cause &
effect, or problem-solution? OK. LOGICAL TOPICAL (CATEGORY)
Statements, not labels? NO
Logical progression? (meaningful reason for the sequence of points,
first to last, west to east, etc.) OK. THIS MAKES SENSE
Internal previews, internal summaries, and signposts? GOOD WORK IN THIS
DIRECTION. MAKE LINKS A LITTLE MORE SHARP ABOUT LINKING TO THE MAIN POINTS.
Supporting Material:
"Hard" evidence; quotes, examples, statistics, etc.? VERY GOOD
WORK
Support made visible or graphically clear? DROP THE BIOLOGICAL REVIEW,
THE NYTIMES, MAKE THE AUDIENCE AWARE OF THE WORK YOU'VE DONE.
Support relevant to central point? GOOD
Does the bibliography list six sources? MORE .. GOOD
Are sources for evidence noted by name or number? GREAT
Are sources highly credible? GOOD
Are copies or descriptions of visual aids attached? YEP. SCRATCH THE
HANDOUT, BY THE WAY. JUST DEFINE THE TERMS YOU NEED, LIKE PROTEASE INHIBITOR.
GIVE THEM A CLEAR EXAMPLE OF THE WAY IT WORKS, LIKE A KINEX TOY BLOCK THAT
ATTACHES TO A LEGO BLOCK SO NO OTHER LEGO BLOCK CAN LINK TO US. SOMETHING LIKE
THAT.
Conclusion:
Make connection with or give an audience experience? SEE NOTE. SHARPEN
THE IMAGE A BIT.
Make use of hard evidence? (quote, example, stat.)GOOD
Match the central idea? MAKE LINK DIRECT THRU SUMMARY OR A REFERENCE TO
HOPE
Close with a sense of finality? ONE MORE SENTENCE TO CLOSE IT UP.
At
>Dr. Lentz, if you get this brief and it is hard to read, e-mail me
back and
>I'll try again. If you get it and it is fine, e-mail me anyway so I
know
>you received it.
>
SpCom 100
>
Dr. Lentz
>
>
>
>Introduction: Picture this: you are standing before a human size
maze. There are several entrances that lead in many different directions. There
are no short cuts or secret passages. Not quite sure where to start, you enter
the maze. After many trials and errors, you try different paths but you
continuously end up at a dead end. After endless debates over which path to
take, you try again, and this time you think you have chosen the right path
just when it leads you in another direction. Should you go left, right, or
straight ahead? If I choose the right path, will I come to the end?MAKE THE
CONNECTION TO YOUR IDEA DIRECTLY. "SCIENTISTS TRYING TO FIND A CURE FOR AIDS
FACE A SIMILAR MAZE OF PATHWAYS, AND NO ONE KNOWS WHICH IS THE
>
>Central Idea: Since AIDS affects everyone, I want to inform you and
the class of some of the recent developments relating to AIDS and HIV.
MAKE YOUR CENTRAL IDEAL MORE OF A STATEMENT ABOUT WHAT IS TO FOLLOW.
TRANS: "SOME RESEARCHERS BELIEVE THERE MAY BE LIGHT AT THE END OF THE
TUNNEL. THESIS: THERE ARE SEVERAL HOPEFUL DEVELOPMENTS IN AIDS RESEARCH WHICH
MAY LEAD TO A CURE FOR AIDS.
PREVIEW: 1) SEVERAL NEW DRUGS HAVE BEEN DEVELOPED TO FIGHT AIDS.
2) THESE DRUGS HAVE SHOWN PROMISE IN EXPERIMENTS, ESPECIALLY IF USED
TOGETHER. 3) THERE ARE SIDE EFFECTS, BUT DOCTORS ARE HOPEFUL THEY CAN BE
CONTROLLED. [NOTE THAT THIS MAKES YOUR MAIN POINTS MORE THAN JUST LABELS AS
WELL. THE EFFECT IS TO SHOW YOUR PROF., YOUR BOSS, WHOEVER, THAT YOU HAVE
THOUGHT THROUGH THE MATERIAL AND DIGESTED IT A BIT, NOT JUST REGURGITATED IT.]
>Partition: Doctors have found that by combining certain drugs, they
might be able to find a cure for AIDS or a vaccine for HIV. First, I'll
describe the drugs and their effects. Then, I'll explain the advantages of such
drugs. Finally, I'll express the issues against the new drugs.
TRANS: FIRST LET'S CONSIDER THE NEW DRUGS.
POINT I SHOULD RESTATE THE MAIN POINT. SEVERAL NEW DRUGS CALLED PROTEASE
INHIBITORS HAVE SHOWN PROMISE IN THE FIGHT AGAINST AIDS.
>
> I. The new drugs, ritonavir and indinavir, better known as protease
inhibitors, have been
> approved by the Food and Drug Administration to block the production
of a key enzyme,
> protease, that the virus needs to replicate itself. (3)
> A. The experimental
drug ritonavir is being administered in laboratories.
> 1. In an
experiment conducted at the Abbott Laboratories, the drug, ritonavir, cut the
death rate in half for a group of patients suffering from advanced AIDS (during a seven month experiment). (3) DROP
THE NAMES OF YOUR SOURCES, NEW YORK TIMES, WHATEVER, IN A WORD OR TWO. SHOW THE
READER/LISTENER HOW HARD YOU'VE WORKED.
> 2. The
patients were placed into two groups: the ritonavir group and a placebo group.
The ritonavir group received the protease inhibitor along with other AIDS
drugs. The deaths in the ritonavir group totaled five percent while the placebo
group deaths totaled eight and a half percent over the duration of the
experiment. (7)
> B. Another recently
approved proteast inhibitor is called indinavir.
> 1. From a
Merck Laboratory EXPERIMENT, researchers found that when they combine indinavir
with two other drugs, AZT and 3TC, the levels of HIV in the blood (of 24
patients) was reduced indisputably 1,000 times. (3)
> a.
The study was done on ninety-seven HIV infected people. One group was given
only indinavir. Another group was given AZT and 3TC drug. And the last group
was given all three drugs. (7)
> b.
The results showed that the group given all three drugs had the most impressive
results. (7)
> 2.
According to Roy M. Gulick, the drug tests have "very few side effects"
and "none of the complications observed [were] severe enough to warrant stopping a patient's treatment." (7)
>
> Transition:THESE DRUGS HAVE OFFERED HOPE TO MILLIONS. THERE ARE MANY
REASONS WHY THEY HAVE EXCITED PEOPLE. I've just told you about the two new
protease drugs, ritonavir and indinavir, that when combined with other AIDS drugs have
incredible results. Next, I'll reveal some of the advantages about these new
drugs.
>
> II. A GOOD START, BUT PICK UP YOUR KEY IDEAS DIRECTLY. "THE NEW
DRUGS HAVE OFFERED HOPE THAT DOCTORS MAY BE ABLE TO CONTROL THE AIDS VIRUS, OR
EVEN ELIMINATE IT. [IN OTHER WORDS, DON'T SAY POSITIVE ISSUES, SUMMARIZE WHAT
IS POSITIVE. There are many positive issues raised concerning the new protease
drugs: ritonavir and indinavir.
> A. The new drug
combinations have recently driven the AIDS virus to undetectable levels in the
blood which might be able to eradicate the virus from patients bodies. (1)
> 1. The
dream is that this new drug treatment will advance so that it can be stopped
forever . . . a cure. (1)
> 2. Two
doctors, from the
> a.
They plan to test their hypothesis at some point by stopping treatment on a
very small number of infected patients at the
> b.
However, definite proof of a cure probably could not come for years and failure
is likely to come sooner. (1)
> B. For the first time,
doctors have at their disposal an abundance of weapons that can fight the AIDS
virus at virtually every stage of its life cycle. (3)
> 1. Groups
such as the NIH (National Institutes of Health), OAR (Office of AIDS Research),
TAG (Treatment Action Group), CDC (Centers for Disease Control) and
NIAID (National Institute of and Infectious Diseases) are working on new drugs and also a vaccine
(8,5,6)
> 2. The
protease drugs can be used during the early months of infection, not just in
the final stages. (3)
>
>Transition: You now know some of the advantages of the new protease
drugs. Ritonavir and Indinavir have disadvantages that DOCTORS HOPE TO CONTROL.
>
>III. There is much controversy over the possibility that these new
protease drugs can not only control but also cure AIDS. (1)
> A. Some scientists
believe that merely suggesting a cure for what has generally been a deadly
disease is far too premature and dangerous. (1)
> 1.
According to Christine Gorman, [WHO IS GORMAN, AND WHY SHOULD WE CARE WHAT SHE
THINKS? IS SHE AN AIDS RESEARCHER, WAS SHE QUOTED BY THE AMERICAN JOURNAL OF
MEDICINE? CONSTANTLY REMIND YOUR AUDIENCE THAT YOU'VE NAILED GOOD SOURCES, EVEN
IF ONLY BY DROPPING THE NAME OF THE JOURNAL WHERE YOU FOUND HER QUOTED, OR THE
TITLE OF HER BOOK, ETC.] it is still not clear just how long the new drugs can
prolong life. (3)
> 2. By
announcing that scientists have found a cure, they could create a "false
sense of security," thus encouraging people to drop their guard against
safe sex and other high risk behaviors because people will think that if they
contract the virus they will be cured. (1)
> 3.
Additionally, medical science could receive a "huge black eye" if a
cure for AIDS becomes widely publicized and fails. (1)
> B. Most cures for
viral diseases occur naturally as a result of the immune systems defenses. (1)
> 1. For
instance, chicken pox is usually considered cured once the last scab has
healed; however, "chicken pox remains dormant in nerve cells and often causes shingles in infected individuals
decades later" (no one knows what causes the trigger). (1)
> 2. It is
possible that if scientists think they have found a cure that HIV could react
in the same way by hiding somewhere in the body.
> 3.
Therefore, doctors need to search throughout the body especially the lymph
nodes (where HIV lies dormant before a person gets AIDS) before they stop
combination therapy to test the possibility of a cure. (1)
> 4. Hidden
HIV could return after many years even if a person thinks he of she is cured.
(1)
> C. The drug therapy
requires combinations of drugs that often involve taking fifteen or more pills
a day that must be swallowed according to a tight schedule. (1)
> 1.
According to Dr. Altman, the timing of the pills centers around an empty
stomach and the drugs often cause severe irritation of the stomach. (1)
> 2. Also,
if a patient forgets to take a few pills, they could trigger strains of the
virus that resisted the protease drugs which would then create a worse problem than the original infection. (1)
>
>Conclusion: One of the most unfortunate characteristics of AIDS is
that "it attacks those who are at, or just beginning, the prime of their
lives." (4) The most important fear is that we don't know how much the new
drugs will cost and if doctors have enough in supply. (3) Ninety percent of all
AIDS cases occur in developing countries where the patients would not be able
to afford the protease drugs. (1) Dr. Joseph Decosas, an international health
expert, brings this terrible disease into perspective when he says, "if
the cure for AIDS was a clean glass of water, most of the people in the world
today would not have access to treatment." (1)
>MAKE THE CLOSING A PICTURE AS WELL. YOU COULD PICK UP THE MAZE IMAGE,
OR TELL A STORY ABOUT ONE OF THE SAD CASES OF PEOPLE CUT DOWN IN THE PRIME BY
AIDS. "IN SUMMARY, THERE IS REASON FOR HOPE THAT WE
>
>
>
>
>Bibliography
>
>1. Altman, Lawrence K, M.D. "Discussing Possible AIDS Cure
Raises Hope, Anger and Question:
What Exactly Is Meant by 'Cure'?" , New York Times, Sec.C:3 July 16, 1996.
>
>2. Cowie, Jonathan. "AIDS and education--an update,"
Journal of Boilogical Education, 1990. pg.
259-261. BIOLOGICAL?
>
>3. Gorman, Christine. "Battling the AIDS Virus: There's still no
cure, but scientist and survivors make striking progress," Time,
>
>4. Hein, Karen. "Adolescents at Risk for HIV Infection,"
ed. DiClemente, Ralph J., Adolescents
and AIDS: A Generation in Jeopardy,
>
>5. Stango, J. "Millions of American Youth are at Risk for HIV
infection," Teenagers and AIDS in
>
>6. Stolberg, Sheryl. "Rare Form of AIDS Virus Found in
>
>7. Travis, John. "AIDS Update '96: New drugs, new tests, new
optimism mark recent AIDS
> research," Science News, 149:184-186.
>
>8. Voelker, Rebecca. "Restructure for Federal AIDS
Research," The Journal of the American Medical
Association, v275 n14 p. 1065.