From a post on rec.climbing

Subject: Re: Do you cross the line?
From: Dawn Alguard <dalguard@llgm.com>
Date: 2000/06/05
Newsgroups: rec.climbing
This may be a bit rambly because I'm not feeling very coherent on the subject right now but I wanted to respond to both this thread and Inez's question about whether I ever get scared.

I took another big fall on Saturday - no injuries this time but I stopped about a foot off the ground.  We were on the GT ledge at the Gunks, where Middle Earth and various other routes converge, with 4 other parties.  I was leading up the center of the roof. I had gear in about 2 feet below the roof (the highest point where gear was available) and came off from above the roof.  It shut the crowd up in a hurry, I can tell you that.   One guy, I think he's going to be lucky if his wife ever lets him lead again.  Another guy was so shaken up he couldn't even follow his leader.

What made this fall scary was that I had absolutely no idea I was so close to groundfall range before I came off.  I think I'm the sort of person Mr. PETE is referring to below when he says "bold climbing gets stupid when the person climbing doesn't realize it's bold."

I don't think of myself as a bold climber.  I have no urge to solo or climb Mt. Everest without oxygen or lead A5.  I like leading but I've never really thought of myself as being in mortal danger while I was doing it.  Nevertheless, it's becoming clear that I'm going to die.

This has been hard for me to process because, as I said, I don't think of myself as bold.  I'm not a risk taker and never have been in any aspect of my life.  Somehow the part of my brain that should be objectively evaluating the *real* danger while I'm climbing gets shut off.  I have fear reactions but they aren't commensurate with the actual danger.  For instance, I was recently leading a sport route when I sensed that I was about to come off.  I made sketchy noises and my belayer said, "You're fine" and I looked down and said, "Oh yeah, bolt at my waist" and just dropped onto it - one whole foot.  But I was no less scared before that fall than I was before coming off that roof - a 25 foot fall that left me hanging one foot from the ground.

I'm not bold.  I'm not fearless.  I'm just ignorant.  Or wired wrong.

So those of you who worry about me will be happy to know that I've decided to take a step back in my leading.  I'm going to lead easier stuff and concentrate on becoming a safer leader rather than a harder leader.  I'm going to learn how to do the stuff I should have learned a long time ago - like downclimb and hang on gear and make sensible decisions about when to bail.  There will be plenty of time for me to lead harder stuff if I live.

Dawn <dalguard@llgm.com>