Sexual Purity Among Young Adults

From Dr. S. M. Davis tape, 7 Bible Turths Violated by Christian Dating (order the tape at 800-500-8853)

1 Thessalonians 4:3-8 (English-NASB)

3. For this is the will of God, your sanctification (that you be made holy); that is, that you abstain (hinder, withhold, stay away) from sexual immorality (lustful desires, Matthew 5:28, at the emotional/soul level; or fornication at the physical level, i.e. sexual intercourse between unmarried people);

4. that each of you know how to possess (obtain, acquire, purchase, or buy," and ties in with the Biblical concept of the bride price. It is also a beautiful picture of what Jesus did for us when He paid the price to purchase us as His bride) his own vessel^* (wife, i.e. 1 Peter 3:7) in sanctification and honor (reverence, respect, to show incredible worth),

5. not in lustful (sensual, full of lust) passion (extreme or inordinate desire), like the Gentiles who do not know God;

6. and that no man (a human being, or human race) transgress (sin by crossing the boundaries set by God at both the emotional/soul and physical levels) and defraud (cheat by deceitful device) his brother (male or female person of the same order, i.e. a Christian in this case) in the matter because the Lord is the avenger in all these things, just as we also told you before and solemnly (seriously) warned you.

7. For God has not called us for the purpose of impurity (defilement, foulness, adulteration), but in the state of sanctification (or Holiness).

8. So, he (any human male or female) who rejects this is not rejecting man (in this case the author Paul, or any male or female teachers that follow him) but the God who gives His Holy Spirit to you.

* Comment on the word vessel used in verse 4 above. Although commentators throughout the centuries have differed over the meaning of "vessel" (body vs. wife), the word meanings, grammar, context, Septuagint usage (Greek version of the Old Testament), and rabbinical literature give greater evidence for this being God's instruction on getting a wife. Indeed, Paul uses the word the same way it is in 1 Peter 3:7 where the wife is spoken of as "the weaker vessel." Thus, many commentators both old (Augustine, Zwingli) and new (Alford, Ellicott, Hendriksen, Lange, Lenski, Moffatt, Nicoll, Robertson, Vine) favor this view as interpreted in many Bible translations.

1 Thess. 4:3-8; Dr. S. M. Davis paraphrase follows:

v3, For it’s God’s will for you to be sanctified, set apart to holiness, so that you don’t get involved in fornication.

v4, If you are going to do this, then you will have to know how to acquire your wife in a Holy, not an unholy way—and in a way that shows her incredible value.

v5, You must not tolerate lustful passions or wrong affections that cause you to desire someone or something you shouldn’t have. That is the way people do it that don’t even know God.

v6, No person should step over the fences that God has put in place and raise expectations that cheat a brother or a sister in Christ in any way. Because the Lord is the avenger of all those that do that kind of thing as we have forewarned you and given you illustrations about it.

v7, This is important because God has not called us to uncleanness but to Holiness.

v8, And anyone who despises these truths is not despising the man who teaches or preaches them, but despises God; who has also given us the Holy Spirit to live in us to justify the truth of these things.

Summary:

· Abstain from sexual sin

· Know how to obtain a wife

· In a holy way that will show her incredible worth

· Not in a sexy or inordinately affectionate way as the gentiles do.

· Don’t go beyond the fences set by God (both physical and emotional)

· Don’t defraud

· Treat each other as brothers and sisters in Christ

7 Bible principles/commands that need to be followed for God’s best in finding a marriage partner:

1. Principle of a one woman man and a one man woman.

§ 2 Cor. 11:2

§ 1 Tim. 3:2, 12

§ Gen. 1: 27-28

Adam was an example of a one woman Man.

2. Principle of security for our son’s and daughter’s relationships. Salvation used to illustrate both the steps in finding a bride and the security that follows:

· Eph 1:4, choosing the bride

· Luke 19:10 winning the bride

· John 5:30 communication with the father

· 1 Peter 1:18-19 Dowry (mohar; i.e., price paid for a wife, Gen. 34:12; Ex. 22:17; 1 Sam. 18:25), a nuptial present; some gift, as a sum of money, which the bridegroom offers to the father of his bride as a satisfaction before he can receive her. Jacob had no dowry to give for his wife, but he gave his services (Gen. 29:18; 30:20; 34:12)

· Bride may accept or reject the Groom

· Result: a secure relationship

3. A direct command, treat each other as brothers and sisters: Ref:

· 1 Thess 4:6

· 1 Tim 5:2

§ means to know them as they really are not some guarded person as seen on a date

§ no defrauding

§ pairing off promotes romantic interests

4. A direct command, do not defraud, which means to raise expectations that can’t be righteously fulfilled. This can occur in either the physical or the emotional

· The physical: touching etc.

· The emotional (soul):

Christian dating is designed to guard the physical by having chaperons present, but encourages the emotional bonding. However God placed a fence around the emotions as well. Christian dating creates a desire that can only be righteously fulfilled in marriage. However when the heart bond is deep, they often cross the physical boundary when our backs are turned. It is actually more important to guard the soul than the body, and dating fails here. It has been said that Christian dating is about as effective at keeping emotionally bonded youth out of the physical as bubble gum is in sealing a crack in the Hoover dam.

It has also been said that Christian dating is no better a fix to this problem than Christian rock music is a words fix to rock music. The music itself, not just the words make one feel sensual and being physical.

A last analogy, Christian dating and Christian soap operas.

5. Principle: Go to sleep and wait for God to wake you up when he has selected a spouse for you.

· Adam is the example, Gen 2:18-24

· Also 1 Cor 7:32-34, which expains what to do while waiting on God.

§ Girls/Guys don’t seek after a guy/girl.

§ There is absolutely no reason for a young man to constantly be on the prowl.

§ Attitude of young couples in Bible colleges, get married. Bible college profs compare the actions to meat hook time: grab a side of beef before you leave college.

· Rev. 2:4, importance of 1^st love. "But I have this against you, that you have *left your first love, i.e. its freshness, excitement, love, and exuberance. If you have lost your first love, repent, and stop giving your love away.

· Rev 2:5

§ Some say youth must date around to appreciate the one they marry. Same logic as used by the world that says couples must sleep together before marriage to assure compatibility. The psychologists have now shown this to be false.

§ Pastor of 20 churches and 4 wives at age 60 confessed: I used to think that I had missed something since I got married as a virgin (an idea from Satan whose battle field is the mind, 2 Cor 10). Pastor now realizes that he once had it all and lost it. His admonition, don’t ever forget you only have 1 first love!

6. Principle, be ready to marry when you start seeking your bride. Examples Adam, Isaac and Rebecca, Gen. 24.

· If you are not ready for marriage in all of the areas listed below, then it wasn’t God who woke you up. Go back to sleep.

§ Physically

§ Spiritually

§ Financially

§ Mentally

§ Emotionally

· A 16 year old that can’t even handle math, is not ready to handle a girl friend.

· A safe period for physical purity is no more than a year from the first gleam in the eye to the alter.

7. Direct command: 2 Cor 5:7. Walk by faith not by sight or appearance. Some people wrongly say we must date around to find a wife. Others ask what are we supposed to do while we wait? Serve God and in His time He will bring Mr/Miss right to you.

How important is all of this? It is estimated that in Christian dating,

· About 50% are not hurt by it

· About 30-40% are hurt some but it is kept quiet

· About 10-20% will be hurt badly. What if our kids are in this group?

Formula for receiving God’s best in finding a marriage partner:

· Forget dating

· Walk with God

· Go to sleep

· Wait for God to wake you up.

Presented 11/11/99 at

the Penn State Christian

Faculty Staff Fellowship meeting

by S. A. Mumma

Table by Jonathan Lindvall

	Christian Dating	Courtship
Definition	Temporary romantic relationship focused on current enjoyment/pleasure without future commitments; usually one of series of relationships	Parentally authorized romantic relationship focused on serious contemplation and hope of future marriage; hopefully, but not necessarily sole romantic relationship before marriage
Scriptural Terminology & Definition	No; term "dating" never used in scripture; best described by the scriptural term "defrauding" (1 Thes. 4:6)	No; term "Courtship" never used in scripture; some scriptural principles consciously applied, particularly warning against "defrauding" (1 Thes. 4:6)
Timing Sequence of Emotional Oneness	Physical attraction, begin dating, romantic cultivation, emotional oneness (fall in love), assume Lord's will, engagement, irrevocable (?) commitment at marriage	Attraction, parental authorization of courtship, seeking Lord's will, romantic cultivation, emotional oneness (fall in love), confirm Lord's will, parental authorization for marriage, engagement, irrevocable commitment at marriage
Termination Procedure	Either party may terminate relationship any time, for any reason	Either party may terminate relationship any time, for any reason
Purpose	Current enjoyment; exploration of compatibility for possible future relationship	Exploration of compatibility for possible future relationship
Parental Involvement	Generally considered irrelevant	Parental authorization required throughout courtship; may be revoked at any time; authorization for marriage may or may not be included in courtship authorization
Activities & Motivation	Entertainment in groups or as couple alone; effort to impress & please other to retain or move forward in relationship; fear of being rejected (defrauded/broken-hearted)	Entertainment in groups or as couple alone; compatibility for marriage explored seriously; effort to impress & please due partly to fear of being rejected (defrauded/broken-hearted)
Physical Affection	Generally acceptable to some pre-determined point short of full physical union; opens the door to temptation	Generally acceptable to some pre-determined point short of full physical union; parental involvement limits, but does not preclude temptation.
Possibility/ Likelihood of Defrauding (1 Thes. 4:6)	Virtually inevitable; hearts are melded together romantically, then ripped apart repeatedly; flirtation (defrauding) is expected and institutionalized	Unlikely if both parties court only each other; however, some court a series of prospective spouses before making commitment thus defrauding happens