Thoughts Archive

Benjamin K. Hoover

M.S. Horticulture Candidate

Random Thoughts Archive - 2006

The History Channel is the best channel on television

If you get depressed by the news, are tired of reality television, and find sports terribly boring I would recommend the History Channel (HC). It's the best channel broadcasting today. Not only are the programs very interesting, you will be amazed at the usefulness of the information. Even watching the HC sporadically will provide a wealth of conversational inspiration. Whether you're learning the history of breakfast cereal or the development of the butcher's role in society, you'll sharpen your mind with solid facts and fascinating trivia.

Morbid fascination with the love life of celebrities is repulsive

I don't know if anyone else has noticed, but the love lives of celebrities is big news. If you check the news (be it paper, internet, television) you have a hard time avoiding the latest gossip. That's not even considering the tabloids, beacons of sleaze that adorn checkout lines. Why do Americans keep these publishers in business? Is real life so boring that we need to invent fantasies about celebrities? Here's a bit of advice: Forget about Jennifer Aniston and live your own life. Focus of developing your own story instead of following shallow lives that hide heartbreak and depression behind glamour.

Max Lucado is an excellent author

Some authors are able to communicate complex thoughts clearly and effectively. Max Lucado has this skill. Not only does he posses this skill, he also writes with refreshing honesty. Instead of hiding behind theory and ideas he talks about the difficulties of life. While Lucado's books are loaded full of content, they are a relatively quick and easy to read. If you're new to Lucado I would highly recommend In the Grip of Grace, which is based on the book of Romans.

Remove sucker growth from trees

I've been noticing many trees with sucker growth lately. Sucker shoots grow on the trunk of trees, often right at ground level. They are a response to stress, and ultimately are detrimental to the health of the tree. Sucker growth can be removed at almost any time, but the late fall-winter time period is especially good. A few common trees that are susceptible to sucker growth include crabapples, birches, dogwoods, pears, cherries, and maples. Do your tree a favor, prune off sucker shoots.

The Eagles made the right move in cutting ties with Terrell Owens

It is a shame that one of the hardest working, most talented players in the NFL is such a detrimental force in the locker room. Terrell Owens has revealed something that many Eagles fans feared; last year the team sold their soul to go to the Super Bowl. Ironically Owens was injured throughout the play-off run, so the team reached the big game without him. The wide receiver managed to disrupt one of the most cohesive teams in the league. Hopefully his impact does not linger.

A random smile is a good thing

I recently had a rather stressful day. As I walked to my apartment thinking about exams, lab reports, and other responsibilities I passed a nameless stranger. She smiled and said hello. Our encounter lasted two or three seconds, but you know what? I smiled.

What are Holiday Trees?

This is the first year that I have come across holiday trees. Now I'm all for religious freedom, and I do not think beliefs should be forced upon anyone, but a Christmas tree is a Christmas tree. If you want to claim that the word "Christmas" gives the tree religious connotations think about Easter. Easter Sunday is arguably a bigger religious holiday than Christmas, yet it is referred to by the name of a pagan festival. So what's my point? A holiday is what you make it. Deal with the name and move forward.

Victims are everywhere

The United States of America seems to be populated with victims. At the slightest pretense of inconvenience people feel obligated to compensation. Worse yet, many times difficulties and challenges are used as excuses for illegal or harmful behavior. Everyone is a victim to some extent; it takes a strong person to realize that and move on. Don't look for a handout. Don't hate the people who have the things you want. Stand tall, deal with the problem, and face the work head on.

I've given up on movie critics

Lately I have begun to notice that reading movie reviews is a worthless exercise. Sure, the article may be full of clever little catchphrases. The author might make a good point or two. Yet I have realized that I seldom agree with reviews. Gone are the days when I check out a film at a reviewer's recommendation. I have discovered that asking friends for an honest opinion is a much better route. Especially friends with common interests.

Vocabulary notes

I've noticed something that interests me lately. It appears that the art of accurately describing a situation or an object has frequently been replaced with vulgarity. Now in some circles this is to be expected. An expletive ridden conversation is expected on a construction site and the athletic field, to name a few. Sadly, this erosion of vocabulary is common on college campuses. Is it too difficult to learn a few adjectives? The need to supplement conversation with obscenities is a reflection of juvenility. Grow up and learn to speak.

Little Debbie makes one amazing fudge brownie

You know, there are many companies that produce brownies. You can buy the finished product, the box mix, or the ingredients to bake your own from scratch. Despite all this, I don't think I've ever had a brownie better than Little Debbie's. It's rather absurd. You can pick up a box for around a dollar. It's a rare thing indeed that one of the cheapest products on the market is one of the best. If you've never a Little Debbie brownie give one a try. To get the pure effect have one with a glass of milk. If you're more adventurous try slicing one up with fudge sauce, nuts, and vanilla ice cream.

Reading the newspaper

I read two newspapers every weekday, and I am beginning to wonder why. I've noticed that by the time I read the paper I've already heard the major stories on television or read them on the internet. Why has the newspaper stayed in print? Why do I read them? I'll be honest, I read the paper for the editorials and local news. I skim the entire thing, but I'm really interested in those two areas. I would speculate that in ten years newspapers will be all but extinct. If you think I'm crazy, think about where the internet was ten years ago, and how much it has developed since then. I think the next ten years will bring a change in media presentation, with digital avenues taking precedence. I, for one, will not miss inky fingers. . .

Heroes

In the age of media coverage we have killed our heroes. I think we are in danger of never having another true hero. This occurred to me over the past few days as I watched the History Channel. It struck me that JFK and Lincoln would never be able to do what they did in their lifetimes today. The media would tear them apart. Public opinion would plummet as facts about character and behavior were released. Maybe this isn't a bad thing, in fact I think it is just a reflection of what people really are. No one is perfect. Our current culture delights in exposing that fact. Nothing brings joy to the media like capturing a hero with dirty hands.

Poinsettias really are not dangerous

Almost everyone seems to think Poinsettias are a deadly plant. It's amazing how prevalent the idea is. The entire idea comes from a medical misdiagnosis that occurred in Hawaii decades ago. Modern studies have demonstrated that Poinsettias are quite safe. If you attack your holiday decoration with salad dressing, croutons, and a fork you'll probably lose your lunch, not your life. Stomach upset and nausea are the general symptoms. I'm not endorsing them as food; I'm just trying to clarify that they are not loaded full of deadly poison.

When will someone stick a fork in American Idol?

Please make them stop. I can guarantee that I will not watch another minute of American Idol programming. I caught a few episodes of the first two seasons, and they were tolerable. But now it's over. I can't believe enough people are still watching to give the show good ratings. Why are they watching? If I want to see music I'll go to a concert. If I want to be entertained I'll watch the NFL. If I want drama I'll watch a good movie. If I want humor I'll catch a comedian. The only thing worse than the original American Idol is all the spin off shows that have resulted. If it's not obvious by now, I have a real dislike of reality television.

eBay is Great

I've been noticing lately how many things I own that I've purchased on eBay. I approach an eBay purchase like a mission. I define my goal, set my budget, and commence bidding. I'll scour the listings, waiting for the right sequence of events. . . until a strategically placed bid ends it. Through patience and dedication I have managed to find the elusive "it" that eBay advertises. And it's great.

Campbell's Chunky Chili

I'll admit it. I bought Campbell's Chunky Chili the first time because Donovan McNabb endorsed it. If Donnie Mac liked it I thought it was worth a try. Well let me tell you, it's good stuff. On a cold winter day when you feel half frozen a bowl of chili may be the closest thing to perfection in this world. All right, so I'm using hyperbole. Still, Campbell's does make good chili (and they're not paying me millions of dollars to say it).

Dyed Hair

I wonder if we have reached the point that the majority of Americans have dyed hair. This thought occurred to me as I walked down a sidewalk in a sea of people with manipulated haircolor. Why do we need to change the color of our hair? Aren't there enough things to occupy our time? Isn't life full of enough expenses? I've given my hair the freedom to be whatever color it chooses. So far it seems to prefer a dirty blond color. I believe the day I dye my hair a small part of me will die. . .

T.O. Goes to Dallas

I can't believe T.O. was signed by the Dallas Cowboys. My least favorite NFL player is now on my least favorite NFL franchise. I know it is juvenile and immature to wish bad fortune on an athlete, but I am certainly tempted to in Owen's case. He managed to destroy a season for the Eagles, and the full impact of his stay in Philly is still not known. Who knows how bad the fallout will be this year? The level of selfishness and irrational behavior he displayed is to be expected on the elementary school playground, not in the NFL. With a shake of my head and a sad smile I say: may the fleas of one thousand camels infest his shoulderpads.

One Second Commercials

Is it just me, or have there been alot of one second commercials on television lately? I'm referring to the brief flash of a logo that often occurs between regular commercials. Even though I've seen many of them, I cannot think of one company or product that was advertised in this fashion. I'm still trying to decide if they are due to programming errors or if they are intentional.

Basketball Players in Tights

I believe we have an "Emperor's new clothes" situation going on right now in the NBA. A disturbing amount of players, many of them stars, have started wearing tights under their uniforms. It looks completely ridiculous. Watching an NBA game causes me to laugh, for the players seem to be oblivious to how bad they look. I'm confident that pictures documenting this tight fad will be used as blackmail in the future. Thankfully the tights have not caught on in the college ranks. So far the NCAA tournament has been tight-free, which is a very good thing.

Put Prisoners to Work

We need to put prisoners to work. A life of crime should lead to a life of labor, not of comfort. Work is not cruel or unusual, it is life. I agree that our prison system should be humane, but it shouldn't be soft. Criminals should not be a major burden on society, they should pull their own weight. When we buy a cheap product it should read "Made in ------ State Prison" not "Made in China." To the worker go the wages: life isn't a handout.

The World Sumo Challenge

I recently watched the World Sumo Challenge. . . and it was quite entertaining. It was billed as the "Battle of the Giants," and it certainly proved to be just that. While sumo wrestling does not make my list of favorite sports to watch, it is more entertaining than soccer or Nascar. Believe it or not, there is a substantial amount of strategy involved. The matches are fast and furious. Footwork and positioning are everything. I'd love to see the Eagles sign a few of these guys for our offensive and defensive lines.

Maggie Dixon

I didn't really watch any of the woman's NCAA tournament, but I did happen to catch the final few minutes of the Patriot League championship. When Coach Dixon led her team to the win the enthusiasm among the Army fans was refreshing. As they carried their rookie 28 year-old coach around on their shoulders in a raucous gymnasium the future of Army woman's basketball seemed bright. Who would guess that in less than a month the charismatic coach would be dead? Her untimely passing is a reminder that every day is a gift. Life is a fleeting shadow, a dispelling mist. Seize every day as opportunity.

Is this news?

Recently I read a news story about a woman who purchased a bag of potatoes, and one of those potatoes happened to have a heart-like shape. My question is this: is this news? So she found a strange potato. Frankly, I don't really care. Why in the world would a CNN reporter be knocking on her door to interview her? I understand the concept of the human interest story, but they shouldn't insult the reader's intelligence. By the way, I have an apple sitting on my desk that resembles Conan O'Brien in profile. . . maybe I should call CNN.

Gas pains

Gas prices may be the current most common conversation topic. The weather, which is normally a given as number one, has a real competitor. So far, 95% of the comments I hear about gas prices fall under the complaint category. This rise in prices, however, might be just what we need. It raises the issue of alternative energy and fuel to prominence. Also, it makes people think before driving. The freedom to travel is wonderful. Yet there is no guarantee that that traveling will be cheap. In the United States we are used to living extravagant lifestyles, with many of our basic wants/needs incurring very little cost. Getting hit where it hurts will garner attention. In a nation where consumption is essential it is refreshing to see that consumption bear consequences.

Victims again (Ms. Janet Orlando)

I know I have expressed my frustration at the victim mentality I see in America, but I am continually faced with it. The money given to Janet Orlando this week is a perfect example. She illustrates exactly what I despise about the victim mentality. She sues a company over getting "spanked" with a sign during a team building exercise. Pain and suffering. Sure, the company is partially to blame. It was a stupid idea, and a stupid thing to do. If that situation occurred to me I would be the out the door in five seconds. The remedy isn't go cry, the remedy is move on with your life. What I would not do is sue them. I would love to meet Ms. Orlando and see how she lives with herself. It is people like her that make a mockery of our justice system.

The DaVinci Code

I finally read Dan Brown's bestseller. After all the hype I expected the book to shock and amaze me. I thought Brown's writing would captivate me. I thought it would be a good book. Well. . . it doesn't make my top ten novel list. Shoot, it probably wouldn't crack the top 25. Now don't get me wrong, I do agree it was a good book. I just don't think it measures up to Grisham's The Firm or Clancy's Hunt for Red October. The material is controversial, which serves as fuel for the popularity of the book. It might just be me, but I really don't think Brown has a knack for writing dialogue. His characters were too perfect, they didn't feel human.

The WNBA

I should probably leave this topic alone, but I can't help it. I need to ask: has anyone who is not related to a player watched a WNBA game from start to finish? I have managed to get in a quarter here and there, but I can't fathom watching an entire game. Woman's basketball is great as a school sport, but as a professional sport it is a failure. If you disagree with me please watch a WNBA game.

Beware of Bradford pear trees

I recently saw Bradford pear trees for sale. If you are considering buying a tree, let me give you a bit of advice. Stay away from Bradford pear trees. While the tree has beautiful flowers and excellent fall foliage color, it has a fatal flaw. It self destructs. The branching pattern of the tree causes it to split apart as it matures. If you want an ornamental pear tree, get one with a better branching pattern (i.e 'Chanticleer', 'Aristocrat', 'Cleveland Select'). Not only is a Bradford pear a bad investment, it is also a hazard.

Will everyone please stop calling Ang Lee courageous

The worst of the fanfare over Brokeback Mountain has died away, which is a good thing. If I hear a certain quote with the word "quit" in it again I reserve the right to glare at the speaker. I have heard people discussing the courage and bravery Lee demonstrated in making the controversial movie. Please. While it may sound ridiculous, the perfect parallel to this film was Mel Gibson's The Passion of the Christ. What's the connection? Both films were controversial. Both films targeted a specific demographic that became obliged to lend support. Lee was not taking that big of a risk. I don't know if anyone has noticed lately, but it's pretty darn cool to be gay in the USA right now. Conservatives and Christians lined up to support Gibson; liberals and homosexuals lined up to support Lee.

Harold Reynolds is a wonderful analyst

Every time I watch Baseball Tonight on ESPN I am reminded that Harold Reynolds is a very good baseball analyst. When I want to hear solid, rational, well-thought commentary I listen to what he has to say. John Kruk is good as well, but the real star is Reynolds. I think Fox should offer him alot of money to work with Joe Buck for the baseball postseason. As an aside, Orel Hershiser has supplied excellent color commentary on ESPN broadcasts this season.

Award Ceremonies and the Red Carpet

Why do we have so many award ceremonies? Why is the entrance and outfit of every celebrity such a big deal? I do not understand why wearing the same clothing to an even is such a faux paux. To get worked up over that minor of a detail is not only stupid, it's also sad. How shallow do you need to be to derive your value from a unique outfit. I think the status quo should be questioned, and subsequently annihilated.

The World Cup

Soccer players are actors. I had no idea that a World Cup match resembled a community theatre production before watching Italy play Ghana. Every few minutes an Italian player would writhe on the ground, looking utterly distressed. Sometimes a stretcher was used to remove them from the field, yet within minutes of being carried off they were back. As I watch more matches I am noticing that certain countries appear more prone to theatrics than others. So far I have not been captivated by the World Cup. In fact, it has been quite slow to watch.

Recent Developments in Iraq

I am saddened when I watch the news and see images from Iraq. As I watch commentators smile and describe the death of an evil leader, and even show pictures, I am certain we will never see peace. The idea that we can bring democracy to the Middle East is flawed, in my opinion. This modern day Crusade will stretch on, with neither side emerging victorious. The cost is constant warfare and hostility. For every leader that is killed a martyr's legacy is born, with new followers ready to resist change. The world is a complex mix of cultures and traditions. At some point the United States decided that everyone should be the same.

Ben Roethlisberger and Motorcycles

It looks like Ben is going to be fine. In fact, it is reasonable to think he will not miss any playing time as a result of his injuries. The outcry against motorcycles, and the call for helmets, is interesting. I find it humorous that people think a ban on motorcycles for NFL players should exist. The players are adults. They should be free to do whatever they want, so long as it is legal. If a team wants to write disclaimers into a contract, they have the right to do that. But a league-wide policy is ridiculous. Every issue that develops in sports becomes a major story. If Terry Bradshaw had suffered the same accident at the beginning of his career it would have blown over quickly. There wasn't ESPN, ESPN2, ESPN News, sports talk radio, and all the other current media outlets we have now that feel the need to construct mountains out of molehills of news. Whenever something bad happens we do not need to develop more regulations.

FEMA Credit Card Fraud

In the havoc that is post Katrina New Orleans, fraud is flourishing. A recent report outlines some of the purchases that were made with FEMA credit cards. Instead of rebuilding homes and lives, the FEMA money was used for sex and entertainment. In some cases money was claimed for damage done to vacant lots, public cemeteries, or non-existent property of prison inmates. The slimy character of human beings shows once again. Wherever money is involved there is bound to be some level of corruption.

YouTube.com

I recently discovered YouTube.com thanks to ESPN columnist Bill Simmons. The site is an archive of television and video that is astounding. Classic moments in entertainment are strewn all over the site. I've wasted hours watching Jerry Lewis, Buddy Rich, Dave Chapelle, William Shatner, Monty Python, and a host of others. I also discovered the pilot for Heat Vision and Jack, which is a treasure few people get to see. You've got to check out this site, it's worth the effort. Just be careful, for it consumes time like Kobayoshi downs hot dogs.

Zidane

So how bad was the headbutt of Zinedine Zidane? Well, it wasn't a good thing. Not only did it hurt the French team, it ended Zidane's career on a terrible note. That being said, it was not bad enough to warrant stripping Zidane of the Golden Ball. As a non-soccer fan I fail to see Zidane as a villain. He was insulted and he lost his cool. My opinion of Materazzi is lower than my opinion of Zidane. He is avoiding questions about what he said, just saying it was an insult. I believe he should have the integrity to clarify the issue.

Danica Patrick has a Sense of Humor

Reporters and commentators snapped up the Ed Carpenter interview like fresh meat. Carpenter was asked about fellow racer Danica Patrick's potential switch from Formula One to NASCAR. Everyone wanted to know if he thought she could make it. Could a girl survive in NASCAR? In a moment of candor he responded with: "I think she's pretty aggressive . . . I mean, you know especially if you catch her at the right time of the month, she might be trading plenty of paint out there." He went on to compliment her racing abilities, but the reporters had heard all they wanted to hear. Like bratty little kids the reporters ran to Danica to "tell" on Ed. Did you hear what Ed said? And she laughed. To the dismay of the reporters she complimented Ed for having a sense of humor and a personality, and declared "There's no drama there." Kudos to Danica for having the grace to disarm the situation. In our society of political correctness it is refreshing to see someone laugh something off.

The State of Tennis

I've heard some talk of tennis being on a down swing. I don't know if these people are watching the same matches that I am, but if they are we are seeing things differently. I think tennis is very strong right now. The Federer/Nadal match ups have been nothing short of spectacular. In addition to them Blake, Murray, Hewitt, and Roddick are all excellent players with personality. And that is just men's tennis. As a league I think tennis is doing better than the NBA, the NHL, and MLS. Sure, their product is different, but they have excellent quality control and marketing.

Brita Water Filters

I recently bought a Brita water pitcher with a filter. I was quite skeptical that it would render my tap water tasteless, like good water should be. To my surprise it worked. Now I'm wondering just what is in my tap water that the filter takes out. To change the taste as drastically as it does is wonderful and alarming. I intend to spend the rest of my life armed with a Brita, and I would recommend looking into one for yourself. The proof is in the water (or actually in the filter I guess).

Little Romney Oaks

Romney Oaks is nine years old. He is a cancer survivor with a shunt in his brain. He plays Little League baseball in Utah. Recently in a championship game he struck out with the tying run on third. The story has spread nationwide because the opposing coaches walked the best player on Romney's team to pitch to him. The coaches are Bob Farley and Shaun Farr, and I think they made the right move. Romney should not be viewed as a victim. He was wearing the uniform and playing the game. He claims to be a competitor. A competitor doesn't complain when he has a chance to hit with the game on the line. The batter who was walked had previously hit a home run and a triple. Putting him on base was the right move. Romney said "He (opposing coach) knows my weakness and he uses it just to win the game." Well, good for him Romney, that's the coach's job. Romney's father was quoted as saying: "What happened was, essentially picking on the weakest player." If you want to look at it that way, that's fine. It's called playing percentages. Romney posed less of a threat than the hitter he followed. By the way, if he had managed to get a hit it would have been one of the greatest days of his life. For a chance to reach the peak you have to risk a tumble into the valley.

Solomon and His Song

I've always been a bit skeptical of King Solomon's wisdom. It seems to me that like many males, his intellect failed him when it tried to comprehend the dynamic of a relationship. Leave it to the guy who destroyed himself with marriages to write a how-to song. I mean, I view this guy like an Old Testament Wilt Chamberlain. He had 700 wives and 300 concubines, which makes me wonder: why in the world would I look to him for relational advice? You're talking about three weddings a month for about 20 years.

Barbaro, Horse Racing, and a Better Alternative

I thought (and hoped) I would never hear the name Barbaro again. Unfortunately another news story ran recently, with the most famous horse doctor in the world rehashing the fragile-legged racer's chances. I might sound cold and insensitive, but I really couldn't care less. And I mean that. I feel nothing for the horse, and in all honesty I would welcome the news of his passing because it would mean the end of it all. When I stop and reflect for a moment, I realize that just about every horse racing story I hear is a waste of time. Maybe it's time to call for the abolishment of horse racing altogether. Those who need a racing fix could stop by Miller Park and watch Klement's Sausage Race. I'd put my money on the Italian Sausage. For more information, and to book the racing sausages for your own amusement, check out the racing sausages page hosted by the Brewers.

Floyd Landis

Another news story that I want to go away is the Tour de France controversy. I really hope that Floyd Landis is innocent of doping. That being said, I don't want to hear about it until someone can make a convincing case for or against the allegations. In keeping with my position, this is the end of this thought.

The Worst Commercial Series on Television

I have a new commercial campaign that really annoys me. It's the Dodge Doctor Z theme. The German engineer angle was used by VW brilliantly, the V-Dub commercials go down as one of my all-time favorite campaigns. With Dodge, however, it produced a terrible set of commercials. I now change channels as soon as a Doctor Z commercial airs, even if I intend to return to the channel before the end of the commercial break. They annoy me that much. To put it in perspective, I'd rather deal with back-to-back Cialis and Viagra commercials than Dr Z.

A tribute to Joe Buck

I recently realized that I am a big fan of Joe Buck. He is currently one of my favorite play-by-play announcers in both baseball and football. I find his brand of humor quite funny, and I like his style. Considering his fast rise with the FOX network, many people must feel the same way. Despite this, I normally hear negative responses from most of my friends. Interestingly, I am also a big fan of Cris Collinsworth as an analyst. . . and he also gets negative reviews from my friends. Evidently I have a unique taste that it shared by network executives.

The merits of under-baking

In the process of developing my culinary skills I have discovered a wonderful truth: "If it's not meat, under-bake it". Chocolate chip cookies are the prototype. They should be baked at lower temperatures, and for less time, than is generally recommended. This is also true of various pastries, rolls, and dough-based items. There's nothing like an epiphany that results in a wonderful chocolate chip cookie.

The Flavor of Love

If you would like an example of how terrible television programming can be, look no further than The Flavor of Love. This show makes me ill. Thirty second doses are all I can handle, and even in that short of time I feel like a part of me is dying. The show is a tribute to all that is wrong with humanity. It focuses on a hedonistic lifestyle with greed, envy, dishonesty, stupidity, and a host of other negative traits thrown in. I'm not sure how anyone can watch this, but they have my pity.

Chewing gum

I think there should be a law against chewing gum with your mouth open. Recently I have had the misfortune of being stuck in close proximity to individuals violating this most basic of courtesies (on campus, at church, at a baseball game, in the library). How can anyone be oblivious to the offensive nature of this habit? Do the world a favor; chew gum responsibly.

Bill Simmons is the man

I'm sure many of you have never heard of Bill Simmons. That's a shame. Mr Simmons is an exceptional columnist who works for ESPN. Some of you say "oh, he's a sports writer" and dismiss him entirely. That would be a mistake of epic proportion. Bill Simmons transcends sports and writes about life. He mixes sports, pop culture, and a unique brand of humor to keep his reader coming back for more. Now I will admit that his columns probably resonate most with 20-35 year-old males, but anyone and everyone will get something out of his writing. While his football picks and sports opinions are more likely to be wrong than right, he manages to entertain the reader enough to be pardoned. Every column is good for at least a smile, and most likely a laugh.

Denise Grier is an idiot

Consider the definition of idiot as: "an utterly stupid or foolish person." Well, that describes Denise. Denise is a 47 year-old nurse who lives in Athens, Georgia. She also happens to be the latest person to draw my ire by claiming to be a victim. It seems Ms Grier put a bumper sticker on her car that reads "I'm Tired of All The Bush**." A police officer gave her a $100 ticket for obscenity, but the ticket was revoked because it impeded on her right to free speech. Now, with the help of the ACLU, Denise is seeking damages for emotional distress. It seems she feels entitled to punitive damages because the police "acted with reckless disregard" of her rights. Denise demonstrated a lack of discretion and maturity by placing the bumper sticker on her vehicle in the first place. Then the ticket was revoked anyway. How can she feel like a victim? Grow up and be a responsible citizen Denise.

Four wheels lead to rage (Road rage and cart rage examined)

I fail to understand why so many drivers get so angry on the road. What is it about driving that brings the worst out in people? Maybe I'm a rare exception, but I drive with a sense of humor. I'm much more likely to laugh that stew while commuting. Recently I noticed that road rage also rears its ugly head in the grocery store. When you're cruising down the bread isle you have nothing to worry about, it's later--like when you get near the checkout lines--that problems may arise. My last trip to the grocery store made me wonder if carts should come equipped with airbags. One lady performed such an outrageous maneuver to cut in front of me in line that I started laughing out loud. Had I not yielded I likely would have been launched into the sleazy magazines in front of the checkout. I decided to move on to another register, for I didn't trust myself to keep a straight face, and I didn't want to annoy the scary lady any more than she already was. As I approached another register I noticed someone playing chicken with me from the opposite direction. He looked deadly serious. I stopped and let him go with a smile. His expression changed, and he sheepishly offered a quick word of thanks. All this led me to a new theory that all things with four wheels cause irrational rage.

Punctuality

I respect punctuality. Showing up on time is a demonstration of respect and responsibility. Ten minutes early is far better than one minute late. Our society is driven by time. Some of us claim that time is money, which I feel is erroneous (but that's another point), but I think everyone would agree that it is a valuable resource. If you tend to run late, treat it as a bad habit. It's as noticeable as a finger up your nose or a neglected zipper. For some reason everyone feels the need to excuse tardiness and say things like: "No problem," "Don't worry about it," or "It's all right." Well, it's not OK. Get a watch, set an alarm, and show up on time.

Digital cameras

Digital cameras are great. The ease, convenience, and relative affordability of digital cameras completely change the way cameras are used. I have noticed that I print less than 1% of the pictures I take. And that's counting only the pictures on my computer. The number would be much smaller if deleted images were considered. Additionally, being able to fix red eyes, clean up backgrounds, and touch up photos is great. I remember getting my first camera as a kid, and having the hardest time taking pictures because my film was limited. Taking a picture was so final. I wish I had had a digital camera back then, for I would have so many pictures now. Instead I have a very limited number, with an appalling amount partially obscured by a finger tip.

New strings do wonders for a guitar

My trusty Aria was starting to sound really bad. I feared that something serious was causing the intonation to go out badly. Recently I cleaned up the fretboard and restrung the guitar, and it sounds great. Time takes a terrible toll on strings, and it's pretty obvious to the ear after awhile. I'm happy to have my guitar restored to its former glory.

Generic excellence: Great Value Chicken

I'm a bit wary of generic brands. In most cases you get what you pay for. I've purchased plastic wrap that wouldn't cling to anything, toilet paper that seemed to be pulled from a telephone book, and breakfast cereal that tasted like sheep feed (though sheep feed is surprisingly good, it must be all the molasses). So it was with a certain bit of trepidation that I purchased Great Value Breaded Country Fried Chicken Nuggets recently. Great Value is a Wal-Mart brand that I am normally dubious of, but in this case I gave it a shot. I'm glad I did. I will state clearly and concisely: Great Value breaded chicken is better than Purdue and Tyson breaded chicken. A quick aside, chicken should not be prepared in a microwave. Do yourself, and anyone else eating, a favor and use an oven.

Jared Fogle

Subway falls in my "rarely visited restaurants" category, though in all fairness every restaurant is in that category. I eat out quite sparingly, and when I do I tend to distribute my patronage liberally. That being said, I see alot of Subway commercials and ads. Over the past month or so, it seems to me that Jared Fogle has put on some weight. Not that he's overweight or anything, but I don't think he looks as skinny as he did a year ago. I know this is a ridiculously trivial topic, but every time I see a Subway commercial this thought crosses my mind (and I'm not confusing Jon Lovitz with Jared Fogle).

Suits in the NFL

Mike Nolan is now one of my favorite NFL coaches. He spearheaded the campaign to allow NFL coaches to wear suits on the sidelines during games. I fully support him, and I'm glad he won a two game "suit trial" for this season. Hopefully next year suits will be permitted for the entire season. Jack Del Rio has joined in, and hopefully more coaches follow suit. I'm not saying every coach should have to wear a jacket, just that it should be an option. Bill Belichick has pushed the envelope of casual dress (borderline Derelicte) on the sidelines, it's about time someone pushed back.

Church music

Music is a wonderful thing. It captures thought and emotion, and coupled with lyrics it becomes an even more powerful tool. In the Church, music has been utilized for centuries as vessel of praise and worship. Unfortunately it has become a stumbling block and source of divisiveness on too many occasions. First, there is the issue of likes and dislikes. Traditional music versus modern music. Musical arrangements and instrumentation. The volume. During a given service it is probable that some people in attendance dislike the music. Second, the issue of idolatry is raised. Maybe that's the wrong word, but here's the idea: at times the music becomes more important than the reason it's being played. So during a given service it is probable that some people in attendance are distracted by the music (be it good or bad, liked or disliked). I think it is time that we remember that the music played in church is not for us. It's popular and trendy to state that we play and sing for an audience of One, why can't we remember that? It's time we consider ourselves givers and not consumers.

A plea for timely Christmas decorations and music

One of the wonderful things about December is the Christmas cheer that seems to be everywhere. I'm a firm believer that this Christmas cheer should accompany us throughout the year. I am not, however, a proponent of Christmas decorations and music invading November. Please save your carols and greens for the second week of December, then place them in storage by the second weekend in January. Carry the Christmas spirit with you, but contain the paraphernalia to one month. Some would say my message could be paraphrased as "Bah Humbug." This is not the case, I'm just asking for moderation and temperance.