The Wendorfian Times
Last updated on 09:45pm, EST April 14, 2008
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Ibnae Al-Shatan Al-Ahmar
It has come to the esteemed attention of an unnamed special person that one of the Editors might actually be a crazy terrorist person. Though it seems too strange to be true, take a look at this recent photo.
Not only is this supposed blue lover wearing a strong majority of red with not even so much as a hint of blue, he even looks crazy, and maybe even dangerously crazy. Our intelligence experts believe that many types of guns or explosive materials could be hidden under such drapery, and the turban seems to be inspired by the notorious group “Ibnae AlShatan Alahmar” roughly translated to mean “Children of the Red Satan”. In addition to this striking wardrobe choice we decided to dig deeper into the strange expression in the eyes, and sadistic smile. We compiled a panel of experts from the Organization for deciphering Intention through the interpretation of Human Mannerisms, and they sent a very striking report.
“We as a panel have come to the very odd and striking world shattering which will line our pockets and send us fame and fortune decision after eating many doughnuts with nice coconut topping prepared by my wife with expired powder sugar that we found in the back of our cabinet… about the true intent of this “Editor” biased on the human mannerisms he’s displaying in the photograph. After our analysts have extensively analyzed this analysis, we are certain that our finds are 0.028% correct beyond a shadow of a doubt.
1) Crazy eyes mean he’s crazed.
2) Red turban means his head is hot.
3) Greedy smile means he has a great love for piñatas and drinking coke with no straw and that his teeth are getting dry.
4) Shaggy beard means he must live in Canada, or want to live in Canada.
5) Red checker blanket means he must want to kill, to kill without restraint and never be comforted… I mean never stop or feel remorse even after he’s in jail or in the chair. He’s crazy, so crazy that HE MUST BE STOPPED, PLEASE SOMEONE STOP HIM NOW!!!
6) Sitting on black sofa means he’s either dead, starring in the newest version of Jaws in December or is sleep deprived.
7) No shadow means he has no soul.
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8) Glowing eyes means he’s happy, and will receive many blessings in the near future, which will probably help him to bless the lives of others.
Final analysis: He’s either funny or a psycho killer who doesn’t like cats.
After our personal analysts have analyzed the analysis of those analysts we have come to the confusion…I mean conclusion that he’s Psycho and probably hates cats. Thank you for staying with us during this highly important life changing news update.
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