Is Moving In The Smart Thing To Do?


| 8 Comments

A lot of us have had at least one person we thought we were so in love with. We have wanted to talk to them, see them, be with them all the time and just smother ourselves with them, right? Or is that just me?

Some couples decide to move in together to make things "easier" for the relationship. The communitng back and forth between your houses ends, you keep your clothes at their house so you don't ever have to live and you pitch in your money together to save on meals, bills etc.

But is this a smart thing to do? Living together without serious clear committment?

This article talks about how cohabitating with a partner can be a good thing to an extent, like splitting rent money, but that it can also lead to confusion about what you want out of the relationship. "Women see this as a prelude to marriage, guys as a road test." Moving in also pressures people into marriage because of third parties' constant questioning of when it will be official and also getting pregnant during the cohabitational stage.

Most of the outcomes of moving in together are not positive. This article shows some main points about what happens to cohabiting couples:

  • Less likely to marry each other
    • "A Columbia University study cited in New Woman magazine found that 'only 26% of women surveyed and a scant 19% of the men married the person with whom they were cohabiting.'"
  • Higher divorce rates if they do marry
    • "Yale University sociologist Neil Bennett [found] that cohabiting women were 80% more likely to separate or divorce than were women who had not lived with their spouses before marriage."
  • Unhappier marriages
    • "A study by the National Council on Family Relations of 309 newlyweds found that those who cohabited first were less happy in marriage."

 

Askmen.com also talks about the pros and cons of living with your partnet. This article isn't data based as much as it is opinions of situations that occur when cohabitating, but it points out things that could be deal breakers for some people.

The pros they note are:

  • making your friends jealous that you have someone
  • splitting financial costs
  • constant sex
  • material things to share
  • coming home to someone who loves you

The cons on the other hand are:

  • you lose your own place to live
  • bad sleeping habits of your partner
  • dirty laundry
  • sharing a TV
  • chores and cleaning up

With some study data and plain opinion on why cohabitation is good and bad, what do you think?

I personally have lived with a partner before, but we ended up going out separate ways. Yes, it was cheaper to live together and it was so nice to have someone there at the end of a long work day, but the constant contact grew to be too much and we eventually got into arguments over little things and that led to our separation.

On the other hand, my parents have cohabitted since I was two years old. They are not married by ceremony, but they have been under the same house hold, making them legally  married, but their cohabitation has not led to their separation and they honestly don't care to get married. They act as if they already are and if something were to ever happen, the legal process of divorce wouldn't exist.

I think the decision to live together is solely up to the two people in a relationship. Not everyone is the same, but it would be smart to take a look at the statistics before making such a big decision. Whether one takes them to heart, or doesn't, it doesn't hurt to be informed!

cohabitation-congratulations.gif

 

 

Photo: http://www.actlikeaman.org/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/cohabitation-congratulations.gif

 

8 Comments

What an interesting article! I haven't read much articles about this huge decision people face in life, so it was nice to get some statistical insight as to how this process should be handled. It seems that the results you found lean more towards the negative spectrum, and that moving in with your consecutive other should be taken very seriously. I agree with this. My parents moved in together but eventually married and have been together ever since. So I think moving in should be considered if you really see yourself being with this person for the rest of your life and you wouldn't want it any other way. Otherwise, you should wait until you are more sure of your relationship. I don't know if this is the same article you read, but I found it helpful with breaking down the facts of what you should consider before moving in together. Check it out!

http://www.menshealth.com/mhlists/relationship_tips_cohabitation/

I think you did an awesome job of relating something like this to science. I think you hit the right conclusion at the end and that is probably the same thing I would have said. Today the world is so different than it was many years ago where people didn't move in together until marriage. However today people are more open to it and I think whether or not the relationship works is totally up to the couple itself and shouldn't fall subject to scientific data.

I agree with Brennan that you did a good job of relating something like this to science and I think your post was really interesting and I completely agree with your conclusion that the decision whether to live together or not should depend solely on the two people in the relationship and that it is also important to look at all the facts. I see the positive and the negatives to cohabitating but in my opinion if you are in fact in a committed relationship and are either engaged or are both on the same page that the relationship is headed for marriage it seems like a good idea to live together prior to making the commitment of getting married to make sure one an other can cohabitate happily.

This was a particularly interesting post for me to read because it's a decision that I've come across recently in my own life. I definitely agree with you that the outcome can vary depending on the couple in question, and I think that that information you provide is applicable. Personally, I think the decision to live together is less important than the decision of WHEN to live together. If both parties are enjoying stable lives, then living together shouldn't throw anything off; however, if life outside of the relationship is rough, it wouldn't be surprising if the relationship got rocky as well.

Matt, I agree! I think when to move in is definitely important. Some say "right person, wrong time" and I think that is so true! This article on Glamour magazine gives some hints as to when you know it is time. I hope you read this and it gives you some ideas for future decisions in your life!

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2012/06/13-signs-youre-ready-to-move-in-together#slide=4

Matt, I agree! I think when to move in is definitely important. Some say "right person, wrong time" and I think that is so true! This article on Glamour magazine gives some hints as to when you know it is time. I hope you read this and it gives you some ideas for future decisions in your life!

http://www.glamour.com/sex-love-life/2012/06/13-signs-youre-ready-to-move-in-together#slide=4

I talked about this in a different class the other day and the factors mentioned in that article definitely came up in the discussion. Moving in seems to be more popular now than before, but it isn't something everyone is doing, but it is a big commitment. I am a risk taker so I would do it again, but definitely waiting to see if it is the right thing to do for the better of the relationship is super important. I don't think a lot of people think about this because they're so excited at the moment, but it can really affect someone's life if it fails.

Morgan and Brennan- Yes, I think that everyone is so different and have so many different beliefs that it is hard to base a decision solely off of some research. People break the mold all the time and just because a study shows negative effects, this could be like that false negative stuff we learned in class. One answer isn't the answer for everyone.

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